Feeling Stuck? You're Not Stuck. You're Avoiding a Decision.

Ever catch yourself saying, “I’m stuck”… when what you really mean is “I don’t want to make the decision”? Yeah. Same.

In this episode of Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie, we’re lovingly kicking you in the mindset and calling out one of the biggest personal development traps: waiting for the “right time,” the “perfect circumstances,” or a magical burst of motivation to show up and carry you like a queen on a chaise lounge.

Spoiler: it’s not coming.

Mallory breaks down why “stuck” is usually just avoidance in a cute outfit (hello, victim mindset), using a straight-from-HR example that hits hard: the Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) and why it’s not a trap door, it’s a last chance to level up. Julie brings the heat with self-abdication (aka giving away your power), procrastination truths, and the real reason you “don’t have time” (hint: your thumb + TikTok are in a situationship).

We talk about:

• Why inaction is still a choice
• How to stop the all-or-nothing spiral and find Option C
• The mindset shift that turns “I don’t have resources” into “How can I do this with what I have?”
• Why progress beats perfection every single time

Your challenge at the end? Simple: What’s ONE action you can take today to move your life forward?

Because you’re not stuck.
 You’re just one decision away.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

• How “feeling stuck” is often decision avoidance
• Why victim mentality feels comforting (and why it costs you everything)
• How to reclaim control when anxiety is running the show
• The “resources reframe” to stop saying “I can’t”
• How to stop procrastinating by improving prioritization
• Why small actions create momentum fast

Key Takeaways (3 quick hitters)

1. Stop prioritizing easy — start prioritizing progress.
2. Look for Option C. You usually have more choices than you’re admitting.
3. Not choosing is still choosing. And it’s rarely the choice you want.

If this episode called you out in the best way, follow the show, share it with a friend who keeps saying “I’m stuck,” and take ONE action today. Small moves create big breakthroughs.

Check out www.breakthroughwmj.com for more on the podcast and Mallory and Julie!

      Follow the show: Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie

• Instagram/TikTok: @breakthroughwmj
• Mallory: @malloryherrin (Instagram) | @malloryherrinx (TikTok)
• Julie: @julieburch
• Julie Burch Speaks: julieburch.com
• Herrin HR: herrinhr.com | +1 800-607-7787

Transcript

Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie

Transcript Episode 5

Feeling Stuck? You’re Not Stuck. You’re Avoiding a Decision.

Speaker 1: Julie Burch

Speaker 2: Mallory Herrin

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Have you ever felt like you know, need to make a change? You do. You need to make a change in your life, but you tell yourself it's just not the right time. I don't have the right resources, I don't have all the information, and we end up putting it off.

Speaker 2 (00:18):

Oh yeah, I've definitely felt that way. Hey, breakthrough crew. This is Mallory Herron, wife, mom, CEO, author, speaker, podcaster, and I have a lot of mistakes in my past as well as a lot of really good outcomes, and I am here to pass my knowledge onto you to the extent that you actually give a crap about it.

Speaker 1 (00:39):

I think we all do. Hey everyone, I'm Julie Birch, and I am so excited to be getting to talk to you today about one of my favorite things, and that is self abdication, not my all time favorite thing, my favorite things. I love that I've gotten to be a professional speaker for as long as I have, but I really dearly love my husband, my kitty cat, Merle Haggard, and I'm a big fan of peanut butter and Chardonnay. Those are kind of my go-tos, so I'm a fan of that. But we're going to talk about self abdication. That to me is what I call my war on self abdication. We have got to stop giving away our power, and I want to help teach you to do that. So maybe we can lovingly kick you in the mindset and get you where you need to be. So welcome to Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie.

Speaker 2 (01:34):

Thank you for being here. Today we're going to talk about when you think you're stuck, you're not really stuck. You're usually just avoiding making a choice, and you might be avoiding it for a numerous amount of different reasons. It could be because it's uncomfortable, but it's in your power to make the choice and go forward with it. I find that, okay, so my work is in hr, don't hate me. I'm really good at it, and I try to make a positive difference for all of the employees. That's a soapbox. I'll get on another time. But think of a pip, a performance improvement plan. I've had to put many people on a PIP throughout my career, and when you're put on a pip, it doesn't feel great. I've heard time and again, oh, the company, they want to fire me. That's the only reason they put me on this pip. They're out to get me. This is just the documentation that they have to have before they actually let me go. And no, if they want to let you go, they can just let you go. Most states are at will states, so as long as it's a legal reason, they can say bye-bye.

(02:43):

When they put you on a pip, it's because they're giving you a last chance to turn things around because it is a retention tool. They want to keep you around. If they didn't see something in you and your potential and they didn't believe that you could become better, they would just put you on a final warning that's not a PIP or just let you go. And far too often I see this kind of a thing where people feel like, well, I'm stuck. I'm not performing well. They just want to get rid of me. There's nothing I can do, which is bullshit. There's a lot of stuff you can do. There's a place on the PIP document if it's a good one that says, here's what we need to see from you and the resources we're going to give you so that you can get there. Here's the support that you're going to have and from who, so you can get there. I think that people find comfort in being a victim.

Speaker 1 (03:39):

Definitely.

Speaker 2 (03:42):

There's something to be said for also people that have a victim mentality. There's a little bit of attention, there's some pity, but generally speaking, I don't think that's the default setting for folks with a victim mentality. It's just giving their power away. Oh, well, I can't help it. They're out to get me. It's

Speaker 1 (03:58):

Denial.

Speaker 2 (03:58):

There's nothing I could do. They'd just fire me anyway. No, you have the choice to do something about it. And of course, we don't have it documented in that way in all aspects of our life, but you do see it when marriages fail. I've had a few that did. Okay. There's usually some advanced warning.

Speaker 1 (04:21):

Well, everybody needs a starter marriage.

Speaker 2 (04:23):

Yes,

Speaker 1 (04:24):

That's what I've been told.

Speaker 2 (04:25):

And then I just kept upgrading. Right? This one is up.

Speaker 1 (04:29):

This one's a keeper.

Speaker 2 (04:29):

Yes, had a knock on the wood there. I don't even know if this is one, but there's usually a conversation, more than one conversation.

Speaker 1 (04:37):

It shouldn't come as a surprise. That's one of the things I always, when I do leadership training, is that anything, it should never be a surprise. We've had this conversation before. I do find that those people that are on those performance improvement plans, that they're the ones that oftentimes part of their plan is they get sent to one of my training classes where we're talking about difficult people or managing your emotions in the workplace. And I chuckle because those people are very, very vocal. They're the ones that come up to me before we even start and say, let me just tell you why I'm here and who should really be here. It should be the other person. I shouldn't have to be here. They should be here. And it goes back again to just not being willing to take ownership of our behavior and our actions, and we abdicate it. We just give it away. And it's because of everyone else and what everyone else says and does, and they're just a victim of it. And that mindset just blows my mind.

Speaker 2 (05:34):

It's so common though, I've even seen it with, okay, have you ever had to have a breakup with a

Speaker 1 (05:39):

Friend? Yes. That is no fun.

Speaker 2 (05:42):

No, I honestly think that it hurts worse than a romantic breakup because you don't have a reason to necessarily hate that person.

Speaker 1 (05:49):

You're not breaking up with me, are you?

Speaker 2 (05:51):

Right? But I've had a breakup with a friend before and it really hurt, probably them more than me, but it was one of those situations where it was just drama for that person over and over and over. So every time I talked to them, I felt so drained

Speaker 1 (06:08):

Because

Speaker 2 (06:09):

Was this is the next thing going wrong in my life. This is another thing going wrong in my life. Why can't everything be good for me? And I kept coming and swooping into the rescue for this person all the time with whatever I could do, but I realized this relationship is extremely one-sided. I cannot convince this person that they do have it within their power. They don't need someone else, and they need to start taking care of themselves and owning their own life and choices. And it was never going to happen. So unfortunately, for my own mental health and wallet, other aspects, I had to step away from that friendship. Some people are view themselves as a victim, and that's their comfortable place, but they don't realize the second they make one step doing something different, they're setting a new trajectory.

Speaker 1 (07:03):

That's absolutely true. And it's small steps I think sometimes we don't realize. And those of you all that have been listening and following and all of those things, I talk a lot about the idea of self application because I do believe that we give up our power. And that's basically what that means is we're just giving up our power. And oftentimes we think of it as giving it up to people, which is very common. But we also give our power up to things like exhaustion and overwhelm and frustration. And so a lot of those feelings, I think sometimes become a problem. And in the context of make a choice, and that's kind of the topic for today's episode, it's about making decisions. It's about not giving away the choice. You do have a choice, take some action on it. And I think what happens oftentimes is it's a delaying tactic.

(07:53):

When we use those excuse, I'm just so tired. I'm just, oh, these things have happened. All these things have gone wrong. And really it is. It's just delaying. One of the ones that I hear a lot, and this is in particular for our professional lives, but I think it just permeates our entire lives, is it's a lack of resources. We can't make the decision. We can't take the action because it's a lack of resources in general. The resources that we think of are time, money, even manpower. I can't do all of that. And so we give up and I'll type. My favorite, and I've tried to teach this to so many people, and I personally will use this myself. When I find myself feeling like I don't have the resources that I need, I change the question around, and there's two questions I'll ask myself.

(08:40):

One is, how can I do it with the resources that I have? So if I'm saying, I really want to take this action, I have this big dream, I have this big goal, this big objective, but I can't afford that. What can I do with the resources that I have if I don't have the time? If I tell myself, which that's a big myth anyway, it's really never about the time because we all have the same amount of time. Nobody gets any more time than anywhere else. It's not like you can save up an hour today and save it up and use it tomorrow. But when it feel like I don't have the time to do that, how can I do it with the time that I have? If I don't have the manpower to do it, how can I do it with the manpower I have or even just challenging myself to say, okay, if I don't have the money to do this, then the question becomes, how much money would I actually need if I don't feel like I have the time?

(09:25):

Well, okay, how much time is actually required? Because when it's just a mystery number, it's like I just don't have the time, I just don't have the resources. But you're never challenging yourself to say, well, what resources would actually be required to do that? And then how can I do it with the resources that I have? And that's kind of taking back control of that. That's challenging yourself to not just be a victim, not just abdicate, but rather say, okay, what action can I take? Because that we give our power away, but it's not always to other people. A lot of times it's to other stuff.

Speaker 2 (09:58):

Well, and I think that a hundred percent when we say we don't have time for something, we do. We have time. You might not have a big chunk of time to do one thing right now,

Speaker 1 (10:10):

But

Speaker 2 (10:10):

How many times are you scrolling on social media? And it could take up a half an hour, an hour before you even realized it, and we all do it. I've not met anyone that actually says they're not on social media and they truly aren't, which is great because if I want to stalk someone online, I like them to have some data out there. Not that I do a lot of that, but I know for myself that I scroll TikTok and I think it's giving me dopamine. Oh, it's in a means of instant gratification. That's why that we're always scrolling on TikTok. But if I stepped away and said, Hey, there's 20 minutes that I usually do that.

Speaker 1 (10:51):

Exactly, it's

Speaker 2 (10:51):

Brain rot. I could apply that time to this other thing. And if you really want it, you'll make it happen.

Speaker 1 (10:57):

Absolutely true.

Speaker 2 (10:58):

I've had second and third jobs at times because money was an issue. It sucked. I was exhausted. I was also a lot younger. I could not do that today, but if you want it bad enough, you will find a way. You will make it happen. That's right. And I think part of the issue is not being realistic with yourself about what is required of you or you know it, but you're just, again, it's more comfortable to be a victim. And we all want things instantly.

Speaker 1 (11:27):

I think we focus very easily on what we can't do rather than what we can do. I had a woman one time, it was my favorite moments. I was doing a training and I had a pretty good sized group of people. There are probably maybe a hundred people in the room, and it was event, a conference event. So I had different people from different companies. And this woman stood up and in front of everybody said, I hate my job, I hate it. And we're all kind of looking at her thinking, wow, that's a pretty bold statement. She said that it's giving her ulcers. She dreads going into work every day. She said, she works with evil people. She said, my favorite part. She said, my boss is the spawn of Satan. I was like, that's intense. And when she said that, I looked at her, I said, woo.

(12:12):

I said, that sounds bad. You better quit. Now, as soon as I said that, we can all imagine what she said. Well, I can't. I can't. And my first response was, why not? It sounds so bad. And everybody understands where we go with this. It's the excuses of what we can't to do. And what she said, actually, it was very funny. She said, I have children. I have to put food on their table, a roof over their head and shoes on their feet. And I was like, amen, sister, I feel you. I do understand that. But she had done what I think so many people do. And she had decided for whatever reason in her life that she only had two choices, either option A, she stayed and worked at this horrible, awful job for the rest of her pathetic, miserable existence or option B, she quit tomorrow.

(13:04):

She was homeless, living on the street, and her children had no shoes. I would like option C, please. There has to be something else. But we get so caught up in what we can't do that we don't allow ourselves to see the things that we can do. So stop telling yourself what you can't. And just like you said, if you are willing to look for it, it's amazing what you can find. And it doesn't have to be big, giant leaps and bounds. It can be small things. So what can you do? And a lot of times it is small steps.

Speaker 2 (13:35):

Well, and first I think there's a bit of time between joblessness and homelessness, if nothing else. I feel like if you're renting, you've got about a month. And if you've purchased a house, you got a couple months before that thing foreclosed. I wouldn't know this from personal experience. No, of course not. Yes, I do.

Speaker 1 (13:57):

Of course not. Of course not. But that's true. But we get caught. We get stuck in all or nothing thinking, and I really do. I think it's almost cultural for us that we're go big or go home. People you're in or you're out. It's all or nothing. It's black and white. And we don't allow ourselves to see the gray. We don't allow ourselves to see what could we do? What would be small? One small step. If you really hate your job that much, what's one thing you could do to move in a different direction? And that might be maybe you'll just get online and start looking and seeing what's out there. Maybe you'll brush up your resume. Maybe you'll try to figure out what you don't like about your job. And would there be a way to navigate that? Could you have a conversation with your boss? Is there something, an action you could take in the office that might make it a little bit better? So there's always actions we can take. And I'll tell you, the minute you take an action, it feels better. Absolutely. Inaction hurts, action helps.

Speaker 2 (14:57):

You have to be an active participant in your own life. If you're just letting whatever happens, happens, it just happens to you. You're not going to be happy.

Speaker 1 (15:07):

Right?

Speaker 2 (15:08):

And I think that I advocate for employees all the time if they meet with me. I truly believe everyone deserves a positive workplace where they can do well. So employees will come to me and they'll say like, Hey, I'm having this issue maybe with their boss or coworker or someone. And I will kind of give them, what do you want? Do you want advice? Do you want to know how you can advocate for yourself? Do you want me to advocate for you? And I let them choose. And I'm very happy when someone actually says that they'd like to advocate for themselves empowered. And then it becomes easier if they have to do it again another time. But at least they're taking some action. But you would be shocked at how many times people are like, well, I don't want anything. I just needed to tell someone. Okay.

Speaker 1 (15:55):

Okay.

Speaker 2 (15:56):

And the doing small things and making progress is so important. I have applied that principle to my life in so many different ways. One of which being okay, so I have teenagers and a husband, they're all messy people. Not like a hot mess. Messy well, but depends on the day. That's mostly my husband, but I love him. Crap is all over the house.

(16:22):

And it's mostly my son and his friends who are always over. And we love that. We want to be the house that all the kids are at. But if I did as much cleaning as I needed to do every day to keep a spotless house, it's probably all I would ever do. So I've applied, you know what I'm, at least as I walk downstairs, I'm going to grab five things. As I move to the living room, I'm going to grab five things, put 'em away, and it's little stuff. But by the end of the day, it's not nearly as bad,

Speaker 1 (16:52):

Right?

Speaker 2 (16:53):

And then overnight, they turn into goblins and it

Speaker 1 (16:56):

Spirals out of control

Speaker 2 (16:57):

Again. Absolutely. And I have to do it again. But it's so much easier and less overwhelming of like, oh, there's this big project I have to do. I have to clean the whole kitchen. If it's just little things here and there, you're still making that progress and it's not as overwhelming. And if you are making progress, even if you don't get the thing done, it's still a whole lot further than you would've been before.

Speaker 1 (17:19):

That's right. Think about how many areas of your life you could apply that mindset to doing projects at work, working on your dream, working on that big goal, that big audacious big fat goal that you have out there that you're thinking about. Think about how it works. Like you said, with cleaning the house, with absolutely everything, is that we look at it and say, well, that's going to take hours. Well, I don't have hours. No. But if you break it down into smaller pieces, if you take one action step, you do one thing, then that makes a difference. And I think that's true, and we'll talk about that. I'm sure that's going to come up in lots of different ways over the course of episodes, just because I think there's a lot rooted in that mindset of just being willing to do something and not procrastinate everything.

Speaker 2 (18:06):

And having patience is really important too. And I find generally speaking, a lot of people and myself included, will sometimes think, well, there's no point in even trying because that will take so long to actually do anything. Think about it, if you're on a weight loss journey or you're just trying to get ripped, neither thing that I'm working on right now, but I've been there not getting ripped, just trying to lose weight, and it can feel like, oh man, I have 50 pounds. I got to lose. That's going to take lifestyle change and it's going to be like a year if I'm being realistic to actually lose that weight. So I'm just not even going to start.

Speaker 1 (18:45):

Right.

Speaker 2 (18:46):

Well, if the year's going to go by, whether you're doing something or not. So if you're actually doing just even tiny things so it doesn't feel huge. It's not like you have to eat salad for every meal from now on or learn to kale and quinoa, which delicious, but whatever. If you do something, you're still going to be further along than you would have been. And I think honestly, we've all just lost a lot of our patients and our tolerance for it because well, social media, so we're scrolling every 10 seconds or something to that effect. But then also, okay, if you think about the nineties, back in the day, if something came on tv, you couldn't stream it all at one

Speaker 1 (19:29):

Time

Speaker 2 (19:30):

Unless you bought a DVD and had a DV table player. I didn't. But you'd have to know that your show comes on at this time, this day of the week, you have to wait a couple months between seasons. But if you weren't there to see that show, you just were going to have to wait until it got into reruns or hear about it from someone else. And we just accepted it the way life worked, even as a kid watching cartoons or whatever it is, the commercials came on, and that was your opportunity to hightail it to the restroom, grab a drink, grab a snack, argue with your brother, whatever. But then you have to get back. By the time the commercial is over, you're going to miss what comes on

Speaker 1 (20:09):

Before your brother starts telling you

Speaker 2 (20:10):

It's on. Yes. Or my brother wouldn't always tell me. I'd be like, Hey, yell at me. Just I come back. What did I miss? Well, you just missed it. So fun.

Speaker 1 (20:21):

Oh, brothers.

Speaker 2 (20:22):

But we had this patience because life wasn't providing instant gratification. If you wanted to see a movie, you'd have to wait until the movie came out. I actually remember calling to find out movie times or if you were going to go to Blockbuster, you'd have to wait for it to be available. Maybe someone else already rented it, so you have to wait for them to return it. Dial up internet.

Speaker 1 (20:45):

Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 (20:46):

Could you imagine today people would crash out all over the place. I would be one of them. So I'm not saying that I'm perfect in these means, but we had frustration tolerance. We had more patience for things because it wasn't a world of instant gratification. And I feel like now it is a world where things are designed to be instant gratification. I can't even take a PTO day without checking my email every chance I get. And then even with an out of office on, I'll still reply to the email. I know that's how we're wired. I want to deliver that kind of service to others because we're so used to it being instant. And I think that just losing the patience is a factor in why we're so unwilling to even make small progress in steps.

Speaker 1 (21:36):

I agree. I think we get very caught up in what's happening immediately, what's happening around us. And it's actually, it is a form of procrastination. It's not that we don't have the time, but we fill our day with busy, busy, busy. And I do think that the idea of procrastination gets kind of a bad rap. We talk about it, it's the lazy man's disease. But I think it's actually very different because I don't think that it makes you lazy. I think really what's happening with procrastination is I don't think procrastination is the problem. I think procrastination is the symptom. I think the problem is poor prioritization, because when we're not just dialed in, laser focused on our priorities and our values, and are we working in line with those, I think we become easily derailed by all the other stuff. I like to ask, and I do this a lot when I'm talking about productivity and time management, even though that's kind of an old school way to put it.

(22:38):

But when I talk about that kind of thing and prioritizing and productivity, I will ask the question, so what are you procrastinating? What project? Why would you procrastinate any particular project, task or assignment? And people will always say things like, well, I procrastinate because it's hard. I'm going to have to really concentrate or focus or it's too easy, so it's boring. It doesn't interest me. It takes too much time. I get that one a lot is like, well, it's going to take an hour and I have to go to that stupid meeting in 10 minutes. And so people, there's a lot of reasons why somebody might procrastinate, and I get that. Those are all very normal reasons. My second question though is always how do you procrastinate? And it's interesting to ask an entire audience that question and watch the whole entire audience just kind of give you a dead look.

(23:28):

Like what? And the reason for that is because that's what I mean by we have an incorrect perception of it, is that it's not that you're sitting around doing nothing, it's that you're doing everything else. You're busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, but you don't get a lick at anything done. So we allow, and that again, it goes back to our original question of understanding. You have a choice. You have a choice. Make the decision even if you don't feel like you do, but we allow everything else just to overwhelm us and take over. Things pop into our email and we think we have to look at it. Somebody pops their head in your office and says, Hey, do you have a second? I need this. Or you're walking down the hall minding your own business and nobody like, Hey, I need this.

(24:19):

You're like, okay. And it happens all the time. And even in our own head, again, when I say give away your power, it's not just to people. Sometimes it's our own head, you know, need to be focusing on that, you know, need to be doing that task. But all of a sudden you're like, oh, did I pay my car insurance? I don't remember. Did I pay that? And now all of a sudden, you're looking it up. You got to go online and see, when did I make that? Oh, I did make that pay. What about that one? Hey, wait, what is this? And we get totally derailed. That's one of the things that happens with email as well. And you talked about how even when you're on vacation days, you're still checking your email. And one of the challenges is when we leave email in our email inbox is that you go in to look at that email and you see all these other emails just sitting there in an inbox and you go, well, wait, what was that one?

(25:06):

Oh, did I look at that? Did I already look at that? Was I supposed to do something with that? And then 30 minutes later, we realized we've wasted 30 minutes opening and closing random email for no apparent reason, not taking any action, not responding, just reading and looking at things we've already read and looked at. And so that time just gets away from us. So procrastination isn't that we don't do anything. It's that we're doing the wrong things. So better evaluation I think makes a big difference in that. I think we have to ask better questions, is one of the things I always say, it's not that you're not going to do this, but ask yourself, and I use this all the time, is this the best use of my time right now? It's not that I'm not going to do it, but do I need to be doing it right now? And I think that makes a difference.

Speaker 2 (25:56):

I think also first you have to make the choice and just do the damn thing. Just do it and really commit to it. For example, my kids will make something, take eight hours that they could have gotten done in half an hour. This is usually involving cleaning. And the entire time that I've said, Hey, go clean your room or do this thing, not so much my daughter, but whining about it, just shuffling around, taking forever. You're making this activity takes so much of your time, and if you just commit to this choice, I am going to do this thing so that I don't get in trouble so that my friends don't think I'm a slap, whatever, I'm going to do the thing. If you just commit to it and get it, you have so much of your time back.

Speaker 1 (26:45):

That's right. My mom told me for years, and I'm sure all mamas do this, but she would tell me if I spent as much time just doing what needed to be done as I spent trying to get out of doing what needed to be done, then I would just be done with a thing and darn it all if she wasn't right on that one. Because it's absolutely true.

Speaker 2 (27:02):

Don't you end up hating it when your parents were right all along.

Speaker 1 (27:05):

Yes. Well wait until, and your parents, you hear your mom come out of your mouth, you're like, oh my gosh, did I just say that? When did I turn into my mama? And it happens.

Speaker 2 (27:15):

Oh, it does.

Speaker 1 (27:16):

It's scary.

Speaker 2 (27:17):

So what are some things that our listeners can do moving forward to stop the self abdication, to make the choice that they need to make and become that active participant in life?

Speaker 1 (27:29):

Well, so we titled the episode, you're not stuck. You're avoiding a choice. Stop waiting for circumstances to change or be perfect because newsflash, they never will be. So I think that a couple of things that people can take from this and focus on, I think first of all, we have to, and this is something I share a lot, is we have to get better about stop prioritizing easy and start prioritizing progress. It's not all or nothing. You can also stay, start prioritizing values or start prioritizing results. So we're focusing on something different. I also am a big believer that we have to look for option C. Look for option C. Stop telling yourself what you can't do and start figuring out what you can do. If it is important enough to you, you'll find a way to do it. So work on things that are going to give you results. What do you think?

Speaker 2 (28:27):

Oh, I a hundred percent agree. I also think that if you are struggling to make the choice and just do the damn thing, I suffer from anxiety and I don't say suffer lightly. I mean I'm taking care of it, but I know what it feels like to be very anxious. When I'm feeling anxious, one of the best things I can do is to figure out what about the situation is within my control, even if it's a teeny tiny part, even if the aspect that I have control over is what I decide to wear that day. It's something, there's always something. And having the ability to, okay, this is what I can do and then do the thing, it's going to make it continue to be easier. And you got to believe in yourself. That's right. You got to make choices that are going to get you where you want to go and really be better for you in the long run, not just right this

Speaker 1 (29:18):

Second. That's right. I think that's part of the, when we talk about the idea of self abdication, which has kind of been our theme, but understanding that when we say we give away power, you always have some control. Now, that doesn't mean that we control everyone else and everyone around us don't. I can't control that person that's driving too fast and just cut me off in traffic. I can't control my boss, I can't control my coworkers. I can't control everything, but I always can control how I react to it. So it's really, it's about how we react. And that's not just acting. Again, that's Joanne friends. Some of them are just for me, but it's the reaction, right? How we respond to situations and what you said about take control, where you have control, that is so important. You can't change that person, but you can certainly change you and how you navigate it.

(30:16):

You talked about the performance improvement plan. And I'll tell you one of the ways I see it so often, and I talk about this a lot, is even in situations where I'm working with people on customer service, I do a lot of customer service training. And I will have people that will say, well, I'm really good at customer service as long as the customer's nice. But if the customer's rude, if they're going to be mean, then I'm going to be the same way. They're going to get back what they gave me. And I always think that, but that's not your job. It's very

Speaker 2 (30:42):

Atory.

Speaker 1 (30:44):

Your job is they're not supposed to define, you're supposed to change their mindset. They're not supposed to change yours. But that's an example of how we just let everything happen to us. And this session is really about you do have a choice. Make the choice and that action, you will feel so much better when you do the thing, right? I mean, I feel that way sometimes when I'm going to the gym and I'm like, I know I need to do this. I know I need to do this. It's like, I don't really want to do this. I'd rather go to TJ Maxx. Do I have to go to the gym? But it's like, you know what if I just go after, I feel so much better about myself. Like, look, when you do it, when you take the action, you feel better. When you don't take the action, you'll feel bad about it. So if you want to feel better, just do something. I think that makes such a difference.

Speaker 2 (31:38):

I think people need to also understand that you are a very powerful person. You can't be powerful over others. You can only influence them, but you still own your own life.

Speaker 1 (31:48):

That's right.

Speaker 2 (31:48):

All the choices you make throughout the day are your choices. And it shouldn't be discounted. It should make you feel powerful. You have control over at least one human's life.

Speaker 1 (31:58):

That's exactly right.

Speaker 2 (31:59):

And if you're a parent, a little bit of the kids, a little

Speaker 1 (32:03):

Bit, not all of it, but a little bit, right?

Speaker 2 (32:06):

It's, it's so important to be an active participant and recognize and just make the choice. And if it's hard, I've had an issue previously with like, well, I don't want to do the wrong thing. So what if my choice is the wrong thing? What if my choice, I'm going to regret it. Okay, you still have to make one. You still can't be taking a backseat and just whatever happens, happens.

Speaker 1 (32:30):

Not taking an action, not making a decision is still a decision.

Speaker 2 (32:34):

That's a choice within itself and not usually the one that you should be making.

Speaker 1 (32:39):

That's true. I always figure, make the decision, and you can course correct if necessary,

(32:47):

But kind of to your point is that we get stuck in that whatever paralysis analysis where we feel like, well, I don't have enough information. I don't have enough data. You've got plenty of information, you've got plenty of data. There is what data do you need that would change how you made this choice in your heart? It, you've thought about it, you've Googled it, you've considered it, and if you've Googled it, thought about it, considered it, you're stewing on it, you know what you need to do. So stop whining, step up and take action. That's my lovingly kicking you in the mindset for this episode.

Speaker 2 (33:23):

I love it

Speaker 1 (33:24):

Needs to be done. Any last thoughts that we want to make sure we share? I

Speaker 2 (33:29):

Just want to encourage people that it can feel a little overwhelming. It can feel a little scary, but the more you start making those choices and taking moves to improve your life, it gets easier and easier. So just starts with one choice. Just start going

Speaker 1 (33:43):

One decision, and you're on your way. I love it. Maybe what we could leave our audience with today is taking all of the things that we talked about and charging you with this. What's one action that you can take today? You've listened to this, you've hung out with us for 30 minutes. What one action can you take today to move you in the direction that you want to go? And thank you so much for hanging out with Mallory and Julie on Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie. We'll see you on the next episode.

Speaker 2 (34:21):

Bye. This episode is brought to you by Julie Birch Speaks. If you want another boring keynote, keep scrolling. But if you want an experience, meet Julie. Julie isn't just a speaker. She's the moment your audience didn't know they needed with down home charm, a sharp sense of humor and zero tolerance for fluff. She delivers real world techniques that make people laugh, think and actually do something different when they leave through relatable stories, bold truth telling, and solid business strategies wrapped in brilliant comedic humor. Julie connects in a way that feels like a conversation, not a lecture. Your audience won't be just entertained. They'll be equipped, energized, and ready to level up solid business strategies. Brilliant comedic humor. Find Julie online@juliebirch.com or give her a call at six seven nine two seven one seven.

Speaker 1 (35:20):

This episode is sponsored by Heron hr, the experts in full service payroll and HR built for growing businesses. Her and HR offers a white glove experience and specifically works with small and mid-sized businesses. They're easy to use. HRIS system comes with all the bells and whistles you'd expect from a payroll provider, including applicant tracking time and labor management, electronic onboarding, performance management, and more. That's not all. They also provide benefits administration and brokering recruiting, training, and HR services. From the administrative to the strategic Heron, HR is there to take on as much or as little of your HR function as you want and need. If you're ready for a solution that scales with you, if you need full service payroll or you just want a real HR partner, they've got you covered, give them a call today at +1 800-607-7787 or find them online@heronhr.com.

Speaker 2 (36:24):

All right, powerhouse, before you sprint off to conquer your day, if this episode fired you up, made you laugh, or lovingly kicked you in the mindset, do us a favor, hit that follow button and come hang with us on social. We're over there dropping truth bombs behind the scenes nonsense, real life breakthroughs, and the occasional wait. Did they really just say that moment? You can find us on social. Just search at breakthrough w MJ and join the crew. You can even find Mallory at Mallory Heron on Instagram or at Mallory Heron X on TikTok and Julie at Julie Birch.

Speaker 1 (37:01):

And seriously, thank you for listening. Thank you for showing up for yourself, for doing the work and for choosing growth. Even when it's uncomfortable, that's not small stuff. That is breakthrough behavior. Now go do something bold. Take back your power. And remember, if you ever forget who you are, we'll remind you.