You Are Allowed to Change: Stop Letting Your Past Decide Your Future

🚨 Newsflash, Breakthrough Crew: You are allowed to become someone new.

Somewhere along the way, many of us started believing that who we've always been is who we're supposed to stay. The "bad driver." The struggling employee. The overwhelmed parent. The person who never follows through. The one who always plays it safe.

Not anymore.

In this episode of Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie, we're tackling the lies that keep people stuck and the mindset shifts that help you finally step into the next version of yourself. Whether you're considering a career change, starting a business, writing a book, rebuilding after divorce, chasing a big dream, or simply tired of living on autopilot, this conversation is for you.

We dive into:

✨ Why comfort zones quietly steal your potential
 ✨ The surprising reason people fear visibility more than failure
 ✨ How old labels and identities keep you trapped
 ✨ Why waiting for the "perfect time" is a losing strategy
 ✨ The power of vision boards, visualization, and intentional action
 ✨ How to rebuild trust in yourself after years of not following through
 ✨ What you may need to let go of before you can level up

If you've ever thought:

•  "It's too late for me." 
•  "I'm too old to start over." 
•  "That's just not who I am." 
•  "What will people think?" 

...this episode is your wake-up call.

Because growth requires courage.
 Change requires action.
 And the future version of you is waiting for today's version of you to stop asking permission.

🎯 You're not stuck.
 🎯 You're not behind.
 🎯 You're not required to stay who you've always been.

You are allowed to change.

So grab your coffee, put on those red nails, channel your inner Wonder Woman, and join us for a conversation about personal growth, self-confidence, reinvention, mindset, leadership, resilience, and becoming the person you're meant to be.

And don't forget to hit subscribe so you can be alerted as soon as there is a new episode!

You can also go to Breakthroughwmj.com and stay connected!

#PersonalDevelopment #MindsetShift #SelfGrowth #Confidence #ReinventYourself #PersonalGrowth #Leadership #Motivation #WomenInBusiness #CareerGrowth #SelfImprovement #BreakthroughPodcast #JulieBurch #MalloryHerron

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

How do you deal with feeling like it's it's just too late to start over or try something new? News flash breakthrough crew. You are allowed to become someone new. Welcome to Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie, and that is exactly what we're going to talk about. My name's Julie Birch with Julie Birch Speaks, and I am fighting my war on self-abdication. So welcome to the show. Let's take agency over self, take back that ownership, and let's see if we can up-level our lives.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Welcome, welcome. Thank you so much for being with us. I'm Mallory Heron, wife, mom, CEO, speaker, author, and podcaster. And I I really love dogs. I think I've said that a few times now, but they're the best things in the world. Um cats are good too. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

I'm I'm a fan.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

I am excited about what we're talking about, though, because it I really believe that most people want to make change, but they kind of hold themselves back.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

And it's all these thoughts that we tell ourselves, and it doesn't have to be that way.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Right. I agree. I think a lot of it's the internal dialogue. Right. Why do we think that we can't, why do we feel like it's too late? Why do we think we can't step up and do something different? Um, small things or big things.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

I think uh we can explore some of the reasons why someone might think that. Because part of making change is first understanding what the issue actually is and really defining it, because you can't tackle something if you're not clear on it. So that's step one. What do you think about what holds people back from making a change and becoming the person they want to be?

SPEAKER_00 1:53

I think there's several things that happen with people is I think we get comfortable. So we've we've talked about this on other episodes. I think it it bears repeating, is that I think it's easier to not do more. It's easier to not grow. It's easier to stay where you are. That's your comfort zone, right? So how do we challenge ourselves to do something different and and recognize it's going to be uncomfortable? And I feel like we get stuck in the pressure. Sometimes it's the labels that we have, it's the the images that we've been carrying forever, the the way that we see ourselves, that we've been seeing ourselves for years. And I always use this example and I know it's kind of silly, but um, I was not a good driver when I got my driver's license. I will tell you, if my mother ever listens to this podcast, she's gonna laugh out loud, spit her tea out when she hears me say this. Uh, when I was 16 years old and I got my driver's license, I had three tickets and two accidents that were both my fault in less than a year of me having my license. Oh no. It was terrible. I was a horrible driver. And it was usually for things like I was brushing my hair, I was putting it on lip gloss or something like that. And so we didn't have cell phones at that time, but I was always doing something else. And I got the label at that point of being a bad driver. And honest to goodness, to this day, and I'm not even gonna tell you how old I am now, but to this day, I still struggle with that label. I find myself saying that, well, I'm a good driver now. I know I've always been a bad driver, but I'm a good driver now. And why do I think that? I I'm not a bad driver now. I've learned, I've grown, I've changed, but we hold on to those labels that we've had sometimes for decades that limit what we think we can do. We limit what we believe we're capable of. And I think we have to step past that. So I think we have to shed the labels before we can move on and do more.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Absolutely. It's interesting. We identify so much with these labels, whether we've put them on ourselves, someone else has labeled us as that, and then we just took it and ran with it. This is an interesting little factoid. So apparently, after you have plastic surgery, it is very common to become depressed. And I can vouch for this because I have had plastic surgery. That's right. It did include a tummy tuck. Yes, one of the best things I've ever paid for. But when not only is the the recovery like just really tough because it sliced you open and everything. Um, luckily I don't remember much of mine because I was on really good drugs. So my husband remembers because he had to take care of me, but I don't. But you you look in the mirror and you see yourself uh differently than you were before. And even though that's a change you wanted to make, a change to your body is a pretty significant change. Right. So it it makes sense to me. I think there's a bit of that when it comes to any other kind of change that you want to make. You you hold yourself back from it. Maybe it's scary, maybe it's uh challenging your your identity and how you view yourself. And there's a lot of pressure too.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

The pressure is so intense. And the pressure comes from us internally. We put pressure on ourselves. Um, we think we have to do everything right the first time. I think sometimes that internal pressure. And I also think there's pressure from people around us. I think that we have to be willing to acknowledge that there is that fear of well, you're in this comfortable environment, these comfortable people, this comfortable setting, and they're not doing anything, and that pressure we can feel from the outside. Every time my mom looks at me when I'm driving, I think that. So sometimes it's the pressure from the people around us that we allow to sit to stunt our growth. I just can't do it because they're watching. You know, about fear of failure, and I think we should acknowledge and talk about that. I also think we have a fear of visibility. And I actually talk about this in my book that just came out, by the way. Out now. Yes, out now. Go to Amazon, your impact is your superpower, um, by Julie Birch. But I do think that this is real, the fear of visibility. Because and what that means is kind of what I'm what I'm talking about, is that when we level up, when we do more, we become more, we start making changes, the people that are not, the people that are around us, they're now they're noticing us. And let's face it, a lot of times we don't, we don't want people to watch us. We don't, we then we have that fear of being judged. What are they thinking about me? Do I look stupid while I'm doing it? Um, and being visible is vulnerable. And being vulnerable is hard. And that feeling of being judged, and now people are going to see something new. And what if I try this new thing and I fail at it, right? What if I tell everybody I'm going on a diet and then I'm eating a cheeseburger in two weeks, and everyone's like, hey, I thought you're on that diet. And so we don't want to tell people that we're making changes, right? I'm I think we see it on social media all the time where people love to make their big announcements about things they're doing and changes they're making, and then they go like radio silent, they start ghost and post because they don't they don't want you to see the vulnerability that they did not follow through. So I think there's the fear of visibility, the fear of follow through.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

All major issues that culminate in holding yourself back. Because it's not, it's usually not others, it's it's the things you're doing yourself. And to speak on kind of all of those points, I am a tried and true believer of post-end ghosts. I I don't like putting things on social media where it's memorialized on the internet forever. I I don't expect that people I I know are that are viewing it are actually gonna be judgmental toward me. It's things like strangers or an ex-boyfriend who was a crappy ex-boyfriend.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

That's why he's the ex-boyfriend.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Yeah, if he sees my stuff, hi, you know who you are. Um, look at me now. But that could apply to a few different people. Um but that when I'm speaking, for example, and I'm up on stage in front of hundreds of people at times, I am nervous, but I'm not afraid of what they're thinking. Number one, I might never see them again. So if I screw up, there's that. Number two, it's just a memory in their mind, whereas if I'm putting it out on the internet, that is forever, and there's a lot more people that can now reach it. And when you couple that with the pressure and expectations and the labels, let's say you have that fear of visibility, which we shouldn't be so afraid of, and you're a mom and you are thinking about going back to work. There's a huge debate about, well, if you're a working mom, you're not doing what you should we should about your kids, you should be home taking care of them. But if you're home taking care of them, you should be working to bring some extra income in. Why why do we do this? But you start thinking about, oh, I've I've been a work a working mom for so long. If I quit and start staying home now, what are people gonna think? Are they gonna be right in their assumption that like I wasn't I wasn't doing the right things for my kids? How do I change that? Or my whole life has been taking care of my kids. I need to get back into the workforce. Now what are people gonna say?

SPEAKER_00 9:25

I think that's true. I think that you see that in lots of ways, even just taking changing jobs, right? You've had this job for a long time, that's part of your identity. You're comfortable there, you're really good at it. Uh, I have a great friend who I know listens that was very successful, had an amazing, she had been doing it a long time. She was absolutely a rock star at what she did. And she ended up, she got a great job offer, and she was ready to make a change. And but man, she struggled with it. We had lots of conversations about it because that's a big thing because we get very comfortable with our identity. So, again, kind of the topic of this episode is really that you're allowed to become someone new. You're allowed to pivot in your life, you're allowed to change uh what you do and and how you do things and personally and professionally, and we have to allow ourselves to do that. You're it's okay to become somebody new. If you think about it, were you the exact same person 10 years ago? I mean, I wasn't. I don't know about you. I don't like me 10 years ago. No, I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

I did start dating my husband, so there was a there's a part of it that was good, but I'm very different now than I was then. And I've if I even think back to, you know, my early 20s and the circles that I ran in and the kind of things that were fun for me in the drama, which I don't want drama in my life. I just want to feel peaceful.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Yes, no more drama. No more drama. Drama free zone.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

I am so glad I am not that person. I wasn't taking my my work seriously. I wasn't hanging out with great influences, fine people, but I I did party a little a lot.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

And like the generation we partied in fields.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

And you know, right. Now, um, my friend uh wanted me to go to a show with her the other night. Um we love live music, and I did, but I was like, it's hot. It's Texas and it's only May, but it's hot. And there they went on at eight o'clock, which is a little later for me now. So I'm like, I'm gonna be here till 10 p.m. And I I can't hang. And like two weeks prior to that, I went to a George Thorgood concert with my mom. My friend was opening for Blues Traveler Traveler and uh George Thorgood. Amazing. My mom is in her 70s. She can hang a lot longer than me. I was like, he doesn't even go until 10. I'm asleep by nine. I I just can't hang anymore. Right. But that's okay. My life has shifted, my priorities have shifted. I really focus on my business and being as sharp as I can, being there for my kids, and sleep is great. Naps are great.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

That is high on my priority list. I'm a terrible napper. I cannot nap. If I nap, I won't wake up. So if I nap, my husband's a good napper. He can nap for 20 minutes and wake up refreshed. If I nap for 20 minutes, I won't nap until tomorrow. I do not nap well.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Power napping is amazing.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

It's a good napper.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

It's it's so good. I I highly encourage it. Um, but you know, carefully, if you're on your lunch break and you're power napping under your desk.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

At least go to your car.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Go to your car and set your alarm. I'm just saying, make sure you do that. But yeah, that's not something I've ever been good at, but I hear it's really good for you. Wasn't it Einstein who actually did he never went to bed. He just did like 10-minute naps every couple hours.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Oh, that would drive me insane.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

I think that was I think I remember something about that. I'm just now I'm just saying stuff. I don't know. I think that's true though. I I'm going to go to the Somebody get on the Google and check that for us. The Google. Check my facts, send us a message on the podcast and let me know if that's true.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

So how do you how do you shed these labels? And you know, we talked about in our very first episode. If you're scared, just do it anyway.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Right? You have to start somewhere. If you are waiting for the perfect ideal circumstance to come around when I make this much money, when I've lost 50 pounds, when I meet the right guy, whatever it is, you're gonna be waiting forever. There's always a reason not to do it right now. But right now is the best time.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Always the best time. I I think that's absolutely true. I think we get stuck in the conditions. And maybe when I'm in a better place, maybe when I've got more resources, maybe, and those those circumstances, I I liken it to how people will say, Well, I'm not, you know, and can't have kids until w these all these things are set. It's like, do you really think you're gonna at some point be ready for children? I mean, I don't have any children of my own. It's my greatest regret in my life. But but I mean, I've seen people with kids and I don't feel like anybody's ready.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

I was 23 and broke when I had my daughter, and then a year later my son came, and then I was like on my moan single momming it, making like $11 an hour. It sucked, but I made it work.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

But look what you did.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

And I'm so glad I did.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Right? Now you've got these two amazing kids. So there you go.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Yeah, I had the idea of I'll just I'll wait until I'm making like a specific salary. I I would have been like 36.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Oh, I remember when 30 was old. My kingdom to be 36. But we were saying too that so we're not the same person we were 10 years ago. And I think that my hope, my my real hope is that I'm not the same person in 10 years from now. So not only do I look back, and it's not that back is there was bad things there were, but there's lots of good things. But I don't want to go back in time. But I do want, I don't want my 10 years from now to be the same it is today. So to me, it's all about the growth and the agency over self that we talk about in every episode. And I think that's part of it. So, how do we do it? So we understand that it mentally we hold ourselves back, mentally we tell ourselves when the conditions are right, mentally we say, Well, I'm this person, that's not who I am, I'm just not good at that. Um, you know, all of those mental pressures. We look around and we feel like the people around us maybe uh they're used to seeing us this way. And if they don't see us that way anymore, then that's a problem. Uh so we understand kind of the mental and the challenges, but we need to flip that and we need to say, okay, well, but if you want to, then how do you do that? How do you get started? What would you say are some things that people need to to do if you decide you're allowed to be someone new and I want to, I want to be someone new.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

So I think the first step is actually defining what it is you want to achieve. Who is your best self? What what person do you want to be in five years, in ten years? And then work backward from there. All right, if I want to be ripped by the time I'm 50, I've got 10 years to do it. Probably ought to start going to the gym. Right? I it's not just gonna happen. If you want to win the lottery, you gotta start playing it.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

There you go.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

So step one, I think, is getting clarity on what it is that you want and uh knowing yourself well enough to know what makes you happy, what do you value. And it's okay to try on different things and then make a change if you need to. Right. It's like a hairstyle. But yeah, but if you don't know the person you want to be, you can't effectively work toward it.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

I would actually encourage listeners and uh everyone, I think that taking a little bit of time to marinate in what what do you want your life to look like? What is that for you? When when you think about uh we just did an exercise like this in a mentor group and that I'm in, and it was really beneficial because she posed my the I'm in a group called Battleground, and we are about self-growth and development. And our whole it's the idea is that nobody you're gonna be become a person nobody even recognizes. And one of the questions that we actually kind of pondered, marinated in is on December 31st of this year, what are you going to have done? Right? Where do you who do you want to be on December 31st? And if you can say, well, on December 31st, I want to have published my book, I want to have started a podcast, I want to have uh written my second book. Those are the things if I say, well, that's where I want to be, then to your point, it's then what action steps do I need to take to get there? And sometimes it's just marinating in it. I think a lot of people are good at journaling. Uh, I'm not, I always say that's evidence. That's you know, in the baggie. It's exhibit A. I don't know. Uh, but vision boards, a lot of people like vision boards. I think you're a vision board person, aren't you?

SPEAKER_01 18:03

I am. I had made one like during the pandemic, and I we moved and it was like in a box somewhere, and I pulled it out at the end of last year, and as I was looking through it, I was like, I everything that I had on here actually happened. I even had like the words best place to work about my business, like on my vision board, and I was like, there's no way that's gonna happen. I won that award though. That's amazing. And I was like, and we moved, I got my dream house, like all of these different things, and I'm like, okay, I'm a little woo-woo, right? Full woo-woo. So I pay attention to things like full determines. Yes. Well, and I think being in my field HR, like you kind of see there's patterns when there is a full moon, people are like, um, but I I thought if I could do that manifestation when I'm not actually paying attention to it, I just set up the vision board and let it go. What could I do if I got really intentional about it? So now I have a a manifestation vision board journal where I make a new page every now and then when I am like, oh, this is a goal I want to have, or I just want to kind of get excited about the goals that I I have put on there. And so it allows me to number one look like a serial killer because I'm cutting and pasting from magazines. That but also it I get the opportunity to like revisit it and and feel gratitude for what I have been doing and then keep it top of mind. So I'm looking out for different opportunities so I can actually make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

I think once we decide that this is something that we want to do, and this is the this is the way that I try to approach it with big goals and what I would teach others to do is that decide what that big goal is, whatever it is for you. And I'll use the example for me personally with writing the book. That's been a goal of mine forever and a day. But when it finally actually happened is when it became this is what I'm I'm going to do it. And I I gave myself the goal. And then working backward from that, and this is what we were talking about, kind of the idea of working backward, it's what are the, and I like to come up with, for example, four pit stops, four key things along the way. Because going from no book to a book is a long, long way.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Bit of a huge leap.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

It's a big, big, big leap. That's and and we look at that and go, there's too much. I don't have an editor, I don't even know how to get it edited. I don't know how to publish a book. I mean, who do I even talk to to publish a book? It becomes overwhelming. But when we say, okay, and this for me was truly my first step is write a chapter. A chapter. Just write it. You can't publish a book unless you write. So I can get caught up in all of the other stuff, but I need to take it step by step. So what are those big like pit stops along the way, that the steps, and you start creating the action step so that you have a plan. It doesn't have to happen overnight. It happens step by step. So what is it that you want to accomplish? And then break it down into smaller pieces. This is the big goal, and then these are the steps that are gonna help me get there. And I can't, I don't need an editor until I write something, right? So I might as well write something. That's step number one. How many chapters am I gonna write? Outline it. Let's the first step is an outline. Let me just outline what are the things I want to say, and then start putting that together. And I really did when serial killer, that's funny. I actually I I felt real old school because I actually used index cards and I would write ideas on index cards, and I wrote stories that I tell for my keynote presentations and some of those things, and like this is a story I want to tell, this is a point I want to make. And I had just this big stack of index cards, and then I started organizing the index cards. So this goes with this theme, this goes with this theme, this goes with this theme, and you kind of start pulling stuff together. But it's it's small steps, and I think you have to take the action. So, what's the action that you're gonna take to make that dream come true?

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Absolutely. I think it's things like okay, if I want to be an author, actually starting writing, if I want to be vice president of a company, start just saying what what do I Need to do to become that? Do I need more credentials? Do I need more experience? Where is that job even at? Should I apply there? There's definitely practical action steps. One that can be overlooked that I think is really powerful is thinking about you do a little visualization, right? Thinking about what a day in your life looks like when you are that person you want to become. Yes. So in that that vision, what is she doing? What is she wearing? Who's around her? And then you can start living your life in that way, and you can start small. So for me, one of the things that I want to be is like the best executive I can be, which I did win an award for. But because you rock. I just don't have anywhere to talk about it. So I I want to be more polished and put together and have, you know, maybe a little bit different of an executive presence. Because some people will say in my work life that I'm I come off as a little intimidating and I know I have pretty high standards, but I'm also, I feel like, goofy and silly, and that's not always correct for the occasion. So when I'm thinking about that, I'm like, okay, those I'm gonna wear really sharp, nice suits, even though I had decided when I turned 40, I'm giving up on heels. I've not mastered them, so it's done. No, no. Ideal me, she wears heels and she does it well. So I found myself some with like some cushion support on Amazon.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Treat your feet well, trust me. The older you get, the worse it gets.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

It's so much better. So I've and even when I'm working at home, I'll put these like sexy little heels that I have on, and it makes me feel more put together. And then I think better and I can tackle my to-do list better. And it's like this little subliminal kind of thing. Um, but it helps me to live in that skid of this is the ideal me. There's also something called red nail theory.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

This is so interesting. I so dig this.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

So I don't know if there's science, but I saw somewhere, right? I I've done the experiment and it works. So I used to always paint my nails black because I was a goth kid.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

She's got a dark side.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Yes. And I also just didn't know how to wear colors. And black is slimming, black is easy to figure out. Try to make your nails look slim. A little bit. But it was no, it just it was my thing. And I r saw this online, I read about it. The basic theory is that when you um paint your nails red, there's it's a neutral that goes with everything, but it gives you a little boost to your confidence. And when you're confident, it changes the way you interact in the world, right? So it's this little subliminal thing, but you feel more put together, your nails look great, it's a little sexy, you're feeling more confident, you're more likely to go after what you want and actually get it. So I started doing red nails and it works.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

I would say that's science-ish. Could that be some science and woo-woo together? Yes, it's science-ish. It's the ish. I like that. There used to be that, I don't know, the meme or the cartoon that went around that because we've all been told it probably at some point in your career that you dress for the part you want, right? Dress for the dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Um and I I do believe that. But the joke was always that, you know, then you go to work in a Wonder Woman costume or right.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

You show up as a Chuck E. Cheese mouse at an office and it's not Chuck E. Cheese, you're probably getting fired. Or mental health.

unknown 25:29

Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

You're probably gonna get the day off, though. Right. That Chuck E. Cheese doll is a little bit creepy. I have nieces. I've been to Chuck E. Cheese recently. They need to clean that rat. At least it's not as bad as like do you remember the animatronics? Oh my gosh, that was the time. Oh, my sister loved that when we were growing up. Put the little quarter in and the little animatronic Chuck E. Cheese would sing. Oh. And there was one that there was like one of the animals that played a guitar and sounded like Elvis. Yes. Oh. My sister loved that. Oh yeah. That was uh a little bit before my time, but yes, indeed. I I do think though that there's something to that, that if you really I think you should wear a Wonder Woman costume. Maybe we just need some Wonder Woman under roos like we used to have, um, that we wear under our suit. That might help. But it is about creating the picture for yourself because if this is what you're you're visualizing, if this is where you think you want to be, this is who you want to be. And I think that's bigger than where. It's who do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to be? And are you living that? And I think sometimes we get stuck in that we say, this is my ideal me, this is what I think I want. But then we have to really balance that with the real you versus the ideal you. And they can be different. You got to find the ideal you that works for you. And I say that with a lot of love because there were many years uh when I was in my 20s, my early 30s. Uh, my my dream was to live in Hawaii, and my vision of myself was that I was gonna be the person that got up early in the morning. I was gonna be a morning person, and I was gonna sit out on my lanai in Hawaii, and I was gonna eat fresh fruit for breakfast. Let me just tell you how many things about that are wrong.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

That sounds lovely.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Doesn't it sound lovely? But I'm not that person. Like I I'm not, I'm not gonna get up early. I'm not a morning person. I'm never gonna live in Hawaii. It's crazy expensive to live there. And my nieces, that would be too far away. That would never work. My family would be too far. It's just all the, but it was that ideal for so many years that I thought, as I got older though, and as I my life started to shift, and I started to pay attention to the things that were real for me, the real me, the the now the real me and the ideal me are working together, right? That they're in conjunction. I'm not trying to create somebody that's not me. It's me. It's just me at my best self. And I think we have to get better about doing that. Um, one last thing that I would share with people if you're looking at it, and remember the question is you're allowed to become someone new, is get past the mental stuff. We talked about that. We talked about what are some of the action steps you have to just start. Have the plan, have the vision, create the action steps that will help you get there. I think all of those things are important. Um I talk about this a lot. You've probably heard me say this before, but I think of it like a dojo, right? It's the dojo. The dojo, that's Japanese, but in English, dojo means the place of the way. It's the training ground. And I this to me is how I, for me, it makes sense, is that you enter the dojo. So you make the decision that I'm gonna be somebody different. I'm gonna do something different. I that I am not the person that I want to be right now. So how do I get there? And you have to have courage and you have to have grit, right? The courage is the courage to go into the dojo. It's to step into the into the arena, right? The man in the arena, you gotta step into the arena. And then you have to have the courage or the perseverance, the grit to stay there. So courage to do it, and then the grit to stay. Because that's where a lot of times I think we get stuck. We start, right? You you do the one thing, but then you look in the mirror and you say, Oh, that's not really me, right? And then we stop. It's hard. Somebody questioned me, what did you get nails? I've not seen you with nails. Wow, you're wearing red. That's that's something. I've never seen you with red nails before. And we think, oh, maybe I shouldn't do that. Maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe maybe this was too much. And so we have to get out of our head and we have to be able to be consistent, and you gotta stay even when it's hard, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

Yes, very much so. And also, if you have a maybe you're starting over and it's a big thing, like you're going through divorce and you're gonna have to figure out what life looks like. That timeline's gonna be pretty sped up, but you're gonna survive it. And let me tell you, as someone who's been divorced, it's really great on the other side. It's it don't suck. It's rough to get through. But I've I've had to do that more than once and start over. And it it can feel intimidating. But if if that's you, use this as an opportunity to think about who you want to be and what you want your life to look like and go for it.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

That's such a great example. And I think it can be other things. I think it can be divorce, it can be the loss of a spouse, it can be the loss of a job, it could be the loss of a home, or you're moving to a new place, you're doing something. I all of those big life transitions, sometimes you have to remind yourself of the things that you've gotten through. Because the worst thing that's ever happened to you, you got through it. It it didn't, it didn't kill you, or you wouldn't be listening to the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

Exactly. And look, if all else fails, you can quit your job, drive to Mexico, get a new identity, and just start all over there.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Right. It seems plausible. I think people do it. I don't know. Do they have extradition for Mexico? Can we go to Mexico?

SPEAKER_01 30:54

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

I thought Oh, extradition would imply that I'm breaking the law. That's crimes. We didn't mean that.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

Yeah. If the the new you're a crime-free podcast. Right. If the new you you want to be is a serial killer, don't take small steps. Don't take any steps. Don't no just no action there. Lose that dream. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

But I do have a shovel and I know where to bury a body. So you know. If you need me. Pig farms. That's all I'm gonna say. We we we listen to crime. Yes. Is that the problem? We're crime people.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

Nice. Uh one more thought. This is a little difficult of a step, but I think taking some honest self-reflection is really needed. Because you do have to assess what I am doing or not doing right now that's preventing me from becoming the person I want to be, which could include, oh, I have to stop doing something. Yeah. And maybe that's a little hard of a pill to swallow because it is embarrassing or makes you feel shameful, or you're like, oh, I thought I was this way. But in actuality, based on the feedback of my friends, my family, I've been a raging bitch, right? There's hopefully no one's telling you that. They're not telling me that, which is either because I am one and I'm scary, or I'm just not. I believe it's because I'm scary.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Firmly believe.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

But if that's if that's if there's a disconnect between who you think you are, who you want to be, you're gonna have to go through that exercise. That's right. And just have some real moments with yourself. But you can do it.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

I think posing the question, what like what you said is exactly right. It's the what do you have to give up to be able to take on something new? What do you need to lose? What do you need to shed so that you can create something new? Because it's really it's hard to take just continue to take on and never shed because oftentimes where we're going or the things we're hoping or the person we're hoping to be, those things don't go together. And so what do you have to be willing to shed? What do you have to be what do you what do you need to lose so that you make way for the good things? And so I think you're right with that kind of self-reflection becomes extremely important. I like it. Any last thoughts on that that we want to hit on before we do our fan mail five question?

SPEAKER_01 33:14

I would say uh gracefully receive feedback.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

Oh, that's such a great point.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

Why did you say that? We've we've talked about a little bit, but um personally I don't ask questions I'm not prepared to hear the answers for, which means I can be peaceful, calm, not get defensive. But I also need to prepare myself to be able to ask the question where I can behave that way. We've talked about considering the source, and we've talked about feedback, but I think that it's if you ask for that kind of feedback and you need that as a part of your journey, that's great. But you need to consider the other person that is giving you the feedback. And if you turn into a tyrant, you're probably gonna damage that relationship quite a bit.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

That's right. I think you have to go to the people that are are in the best position to give you good feedback. Uh and I think I've shared this before, but it does make me laugh. That uh I had a picture of me that was heavily edited. It was a lot of filters. I did that. It was me. It was. And so Mallory did, and and so she said, and I was like, dang, that looks I mean, I look good. But I looked at it and I was like, I don't, I don't really feel like that looks like me. I still think we did. Well, just to be clear. So I asked two people, have I told I've told you this, right? Yeah. I asked two people. I asked my husband and I asked my sister. My husband was like, you're beautiful no matter what. I'm like, well, that's the wrong answer. And then I asked my sister, she's like, um, no. And I she's like, I'm sorry. I'm like, don't be sorry. I I asked for a reason because I know when it comes to things like that, where am I gonna get the most honest feedback? Where am I gonna get the best, the most honest answer? And so I think we do need to think about who we're telling stuff to, who we're asking, and recognize that.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

And that's why I don't ask anyone for feedback on my edited photos, because I want to keep them that way.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

I was pretty sure that it didn't look like me, so there you go. It did. But I but I digress. I've told that story so many times, I think. But I think it's true. I think we receiving feedback, and we did. If y'all, if if this is something that resonates with you, go back and listen to our prior episodes because we definitely dig into that. Where do where who do we take feedback from? How do we take feedback better? And I do think we have to be willing to assess it. We have to be willing to internalize it. I think it it it helps to frame, it helps to are we seeing things the way that it it is, are we just seeing things the way we want to see them?

SPEAKER_01 35:48

And others might have really good insight on what you could do to to get you there.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

That's right. And be so be open, be open to help, be open to, you know, listening to others and getting guidance. And you never know, they may have a they may have a secret, right? I've leaned on you many times because there's things that I needed help with or wasn't sure about. And you've given me great information and great insight. And so those are when we have people around us that are supporting us, and again, we've talked about that in other episodes as well, it makes a difference.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

So, with that said, also staying back to you. I want to plug your book one more time. So I I purchased my copy. You can go on Amazon and get it right now. Tell us about the book, Julie.

SPEAKER_00 36:32

Oh, it's fantastic. It's called Your Impact is Your Superpower. And if you like the podcast, and I'm assuming, hoping you do, uh it's actually it has similar themes. I I believe that every one of us wants to make a bigger impact in our lives, um, in the lives of the people around us. We want, we want to be significant, we want to make an impact on people, we want, we want that in our lives. We we believe, I think, oftentimes that we're destined for more, but we get caught up in the everyday. And so this is a book that I wrote that I tell some some real stories, things that I don't normally share. I kind of was told them myself a little bit, dug a little bit deeper, and and gave away some secrets. And I talk about what are the things that you can do to help make a bigger impact. How do you make those mental shifts? What are some things, key things that you can do? And and hopefully that's what people are gonna get from it. They're gonna be inspired, they're gonna, it's gonna feel good, they're gonna have fun with it. Uh, hopefully they'll laugh a little bit, uh, but hopefully they'll get some things that resonate that they can take and they can apply in their own lives and find ways that they can make a bigger impact on those around them. I love it. So we'll thank you for that. All right, should we do Fenmil Vive? Fen Mil Vive.

unknown 37:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:49

So we actually did get a really great question, and I'm gonna read it. You all know we I do I do have notes. But I think this is a great question. How do you rebuild trust with yourself after years of not following through? And I love this because it really does actually, I think, work with our topic for this episode. So what would you say to that? How do you rebuild trust with yourself after years of not following through?

SPEAKER_01 38:14

That can be tough, but I think it's small actions and also being a little forgiving of yourself and showing some grace because just because that's how you've always been doesn't mean it's how you'll always be. So you can you can mark in time to as of today, I'm gonna stop not following through. I'm gonna make sure that I follow through all my commitments and prove to myself that I can do this. It's just you. It you just have to do it. It's like for me, um, not going to the gym. I need to go get a membership. I need to start going to the gym. I can do that. I am not exercising my free will to the best of my ability. You just have to say, you know, today is the day, I'm gonna do it, and you'll build trust with yourself over time.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

I agree. I promises made, promises kept. What are what are the things that you're letting yourself down on? And when I hear how do you rebuild trust with yourself after years of not following through, that means that you're you're making promises to yourself and you're not following through on them. So what are the promises made? And are you keeping the promises to yourself? My guess is you would keep the promise if you made it to someone else. We're really good at not letting other people down, but we tend to be okay letting ourselves down. So when you make a promise to yourself, you have to keep the promise to yourself. And I will tell you that small steps and doing it once and build on that. Because really, after years of not following through, what you're saying is that you've continuously let yourself down, right? You've done it multiple times. Well, the more that you do that behavior, it becomes part of what you who you think you are. It becomes self-limiting. So we have to start small steps and go to the gym once. That's a good thing, right? Promises made, promises kept. What are you going to do? And then you have to challenge yourself to actually do it. And once you do it once, it gets easier the second time. Yes. I always say the hardest day to go to the gym is the day after you didn't go to the gym. That's true. So do it once. Promises made, promises kept. Go, just go. Even if you only stay for 20 minutes, even if you only just walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes, go. Even if you just look at the treadmill. Right.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

And you you're familiarizing yourself with the space. That's fine too. It's a step in the right direction. There you go.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

At least you walked into the gym. Right?

SPEAKER_01 40:32

We're not there yet. I like it. I like it. Well, thank you so much for joining us for today's episode. Before you go off, um, do your thing. Please like, share, subscribe, tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell your dogs and your cats, yes. We want to hear from you. We want, we love that you listen and we appreciate it so, so much. But if you can do all the things, do all the things.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

Yeah. My my ask actually for this episode would be if you're willing, if you enjoy this, um, the organic reach that we're going for means that you have to share it with someone else. So make a post on social media, sharing the podcast, um, reach out to a friend, text message a friend, and send the link. Um, reach out to one person that we don't know that then can extend and build and organically grow, and we would appreciate it. So do all the things like, share, download, talk about it, comment on our posts, all the good stuff. We appreciate you.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

Tag me directly, tag Julie directly. Even though I said that I'm a post and ghost kind of person because I'm still getting used to social media and putting things out there. I want you to do it. Yes. I want you to.

SPEAKER_00 41:37

And we promise we'll respond. Thank you guys so much for listening. Breakthrough crew, you are awesome. We appreciate you. Hope you enjoyed the episode and you got some things you can take and you can use. See you next time. Bye. This episode is sponsored by Heron HR, the experts in full service payroll and HR built for growing businesses. Heron HR offers a white glove experience and specifically works with small and mid-sized businesses. They're easy to use HRIS system, comes with all the bells and whistles you'd expect from a payroll provider, including applicant tracking, time, and labor management, electronic onboarding, performance management, and more. That's not all. They also provide benefits, administration and brokering, recruiting, training, and HR services from the administrative to the strategic. Heron HR is there to take on as much or as little of your HR function as you want and need. If you're ready for a solution that scales with you, if you need full service payroll or you just want a real HR partner, they've got you covered. Give them a call today at 1-800-607-7787. Or find them online at heronhr.com.

SPEAKER_01 42:54

This episode is brought to you by Julie Birch Speaks. If you want another boring keynote, keep scrolling. But if you want an experience, meet Julie. Julie isn't just a speaker, she's the moment your audience didn't know they needed. With down home charm, a sharp sense of humor, and zero tolerance for fluff, she delivers real-world techniques that make people laugh, think, and actually do something different when they leave. Through relatable stories, bold truth telling, and solid business strategies, wrapped in brilliant comedic humor. Solid business strategies, brilliant comedic humor. Find Julie online at JulieBirch.com or give her a call at 214-679-2717.