I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Hidden Ego Behind Doing It All

I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Hidden Ego Behind Doing It All

“I’ve got it.”

“I don’t need any help.”

“It’ll be faster if I just do it myself.”

Sound familiar?

We love to call it independence. Responsibility. High standards. Being capable. But sometimes hiding underneath that giant pile of things we insist on doing ourselves is something we don't particularly want to admit:

Ego.

In this episode of Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie, we’re lovingly calling ourselves—and maybe you—OUT on the “I’ll just do it myself” mentality.

Because refusing help isn’t always about being strong. Sometimes it’s pride. Sometimes it’s perfectionism. Sometimes it’s control. Sometimes we’re afraid of being a burden or looking incapable. And sometimes—ouch—we’ve gotten just a little too comfortable playing the martyr who does everything and then wonders why nobody helps.

Julie and Mallory get personal about their own struggles with competitiveness, high standards, control, and that little ego boost that comes when someone asks, “How do you DO it all?” Spoiler alert: doing it all isn’t nearly as impressive when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and hanging on by a thread.

And this isn’t just about your personal life.

If you’re a leader who constantly says, “It’s easier if I do it myself,” you may not just be overloading yourself—you may be robbing someone else of the opportunity to learn, grow, contribute, and feel valued.

🔥 In this episode, we dig into:

• Why capable people have such a hard time asking for help
• The sneaky connection between ego, pride, perfectionism, and control
• Why “I can do it myself” doesn't mean “I should do it myself”
• How refusing to delegate can actually hurt the people around you
• The difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection
• Why shared victories may be more meaningful than doing it alone
• How to recognize when your independence has crossed over into burnout
• Why asking for help can actually make other people feel valued
• How to start letting go—even if loosening your grip makes you twitch a little

Plus, in this episode’s Fan Mail Five, Kim from Florida asks a BIG question: “I’m always checking on everyone else, making the plans, solving the problems, and keeping everything together. Why doesn’t anyone ever do that for me?”

Our answer might sting a little: Have you accidentally trained everyone to let you?

We talk about the roles we create in our relationships, why resentment without communication gets us nowhere, and Mallory introduces a phrase we may need to keep forever: weaponized competence.

Here’s your loving kick in the mindset:

You may be perfectly capable of doing it all.

That doesn’t mean you should.

Your time, energy, attention, and talent are limited resources. Stop wasting them proving you don’t need anybody.

Ask for the help. Delegate the thing. Let somebody else contribute. Say thank you.

And then use that reclaimed energy for the people, priorities, and purpose that actually matter.

🎧 Listen now to Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie—and send this episode to the person who desperately needs help but will absolutely insist, “No, no, I’ve got it.”

Stay connected to Mallory and Julie!

breakthroughwmj.com

mallory@HerrinHR.com

julie@julieburch.com

@Breakthroughwmj  

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome, Breakthrough Crew. Have you ever been asked, do you need any help with that? Can I help? Is there anything I can do to help? And you responded with, oh no, no, it's okay. I've got it. I don't really need any help. But in reality, help might be great. Maybe you, like us, have fallen into that trap of the hidden ego in I don't need any help. I can do it myself. Hey everyone, my name is Julie Birch with Julie Birch Speaks, and I'm a speaker, author, podcaster, and warrior. And we here at Breakthrough and with Mallory and Julie are fighting our war on self-abdication. Our objective is to give you tools, tricks, tips, techniques, maybe just even lovingly kick you in the mindset to help you help you. That's the goal.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

Yes, welcome to Breakthrough, everybody. My name is Mallory Heron. I'm a wife, mom, CEO, speaker, author, podcaster, and I love the topic that we're covering today, this hidden ego in I Can Do It All Myself. I have often received the question from well-meaning people, like, oh, is there can I help you with that? And I usually am like, no, no, no, no, no, for a variety of different reasons, but I also get how do you do it all? And that one, I feel some type of way, and I'm like, well, really good time management. But what's actually happening, right? I'm just like, I'm hanging on by a thread. I'm getting through it, but it's not the best situation. It could be better. And uh for me, some of the reasons why I refuse help or don't even seek it out in the first place. It there's an ego element, but also like personally, I don't want to be seen as a burden. That's a big one for me.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

What about you? I think that that a lot of people struggle with that, and I think that's why this is a probably a pretty timely topic for people. I do feel like we have and I think especially as women, even, that we have a a fear of being a burden and we don't want people to feel like they're um that that we're they're making it harder. We don't want us to we don't want to make it harder for other people. Um I don't think that we want to appear weak. And I think sometimes it's it's not the fear of a burden. I think one of the other reasons we see it is that it's pride. Um we can take a lot of pride in saying, I just did this all myself and look what I did, and you know, I work really hard and I did this all. And so I think that there's we don't want people to think that we're not capable, that we're not able to do something. And so I think sometimes because of pride, we allow ourselves to fall into the trap of thinking we have to do everything ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Yeah, I I do feel nicely when someone used to ask me, how do you do it all? It it felt like a boost to my ego. It feels like a compliment. Yeah, I'm like, well, I'm on four different boards, nonprofit boards. I wrote a book, I'm going back to school, and I have my own company. I I want to tell me to shut up.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

What you're not telling them is that you're staying up until two in the morning and getting up at five and and like uh by I'm passed out by like eight p.m. Not not able to ever work on your own health, right? You never get to go to the gym.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

You don't ever get to now to be fair, I would not necessarily go to the gym unless that was the only place with air conditioning, because mine went out. Then you'll find me in the gym.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

I don't mind. A little a little walking on the treadmill helps me out. It's not a bad thing. I do actually want to start working out, but it's, you know.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

I've got so much other stuff going on. And therein lies the problem, right? So the idea with the episode when we were talking about this, and and again, and we say this pretty much every episode that we are a lot of our episodes, people ask us where do we get our topics, and oftentimes it it really is from your questions. So this was spurred on by the some of the questions that we received from you. But I do think that sometimes we we want to just do it ourselves. We don't want to, we don't want to be a burden. We it's pride that we think we're doing it. I also think that a lot of us struggle with a little bit of perfectionism. So we feel like if we if if we don't do it, it won't be done our way, right? Which is the correct way. Always the correct way.

unknown 4:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

We feel like we could do it better, faster. Um, from a leadership perspective, those of you that are listening that are in leadership positions, I think that's something we we often hear, I hear it all the time with leadership, with managers and bosses, is that, you know, it would take me less time to just do it myself than it would take me to teach them how to do it. And we all know, I think intrinsically, even if we don't always in practice, I think we know intrinsically that that is not how leadership works.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

No, and I struggle with that myself because I have a very high standard of excellence for myself that I I'm I won't accept anything less, but that's my standard, not necessarily other people's standard. And it can, it can be time consuming to teach somebody else the same skills. And it takes time to get to that same level.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:42

And you know, I've got so much to do, I just want to keep things moving. And that means I give in too often to oh, my justification. That's what honestly, it's just justification.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

It is justification. I always use the example when I am working with leaders that and I think that this is applicable, whether you're a leader, a traditional leader or not. I think this is it makes sense across the board. Uh I always use the example of Herb Keller, who was the guy that was the CEO of Southwest Airlines. Um, you know, for years, decades, Southwest Airlines was always considered one of the best companies to work for, one of the best companies to do business with, and everybody loved Southwest Airlines. Now they've they've taken some hits of late, but traditionally. And one of the things that Herb Keller was known for was that he would actually load baggage. And I tell the story a lot, that he would go out on Thanksgiving weekend in Dallas because that's, you know, they're based in Dallas, and he would go out and work with the baggage handlers. He would load baggage on what is arguably the busiest travel weekend of the year. And he would go out there and he would load baggage. And everybody says, oh, that's amazing, you know, never make you do something you wouldn't do. That's so powerful, that's great team building. And it and it is, but you have to then be willing to look at it and say, okay, that was great because of what what he was his intention was. But if you owned South Air Southwest Airlines, would you want to pay Herb his salary every week to be out there loading baggage? And the answer is no. So when we're not willing to delegate, we're not willing to let other people do things, it really does throw off our priorities. What are priorities for us are not always priorities for other people. What are high value for us are not always the same high value for other people. So I think that we have to be careful, even though I could do it and I could do it great, that doesn't necessarily mean that's something I need to do.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Yeah, it's not the best use of the resources that you have. And that's easy for me to see as like as a business owner. Right. But on the other side of it, I don't see it as easily. Like I don't think through enough what is this like to the people that are working with me. And I think I'm ultimately doing myself a disservice because I'm putting myself in a position where where I'm the only one that can do certain things, which stresses me out, takes time away out of my day. Right. And I'm not really helping them at all. I'm not doing any favors for them either, which is so unfair. Any job that you're at, you should be able to learn things, grow your skills, that's right, get more confident in what you can do. It's I can't imagine being in a job or even a world where it was like learning is finite, and then after that, everything's okay. That's all I needed to know.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

We don't get to a place where we know everything there is to know, right? Yeah. Unless you're 18 years old.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

That's yeah, I've got teenagers and uh they do think they know everything.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

I think sometimes it's almost taking on a martyr role. Yeah. No, I'll do it. I'll just do it. You don't have to help me. It's fine, I'll do it. And I think that it can then kind of come across, and I don't know if if it's always intentional for people, but I do think that there's something to that. Um, that why we would do that is that then we get to be the martyr. We get to be the one that says, I do everything. I'm the one that has to do everything around here. And you don't have to, you're choosing to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

And we have to, we are responsible for our choices and the consequences of our actions.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

I think for me, it goes a little bit deeper too. Um, if I'm thinking about the why behind it, I think, well, is this a hole I'm trying to fill? Why? What what is the what hurt me? What hurt you? Someone hurt you, right? And so we're I I have this need to prove myself, but why and to who. Does it make me feel like I'm, you know, a a worthy, decent person? Does it make me feel like I'm one upping other people? I do like to be the best. I'm competitive. And that's probably a part of it.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

I I definitely have thought that. I had a conversation with my sister not that long ago. And I do think that I am extremely competitive. And so for me, and it's not exactly the same as perfectionism. I just want to be the best. It's not, it's not that I want to be perfect. I just want to be better than everyone else. And this is not healthy, just so you know, that this is what not to do. This is the this is the lesson, uh, the not to do lesson.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

I mean, sometimes you can't help it.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Sometimes you just are. I grew up, uh I was in pageants when I was young for years I did. Um, and and I won quite a bit. I was actually pretty successful at it. Uh but I will tell you that being first runner up sucked. Sucked. And I was telling my sister that I think I see it the same way with the Olympics. If anybody watches the Olympics, and you know, everybody wants the gold, but then we're like, oh, but well, they're silver. They at least they meddled and we count the medals. And I think people that get the silver medal are probably mad because everybody wants the gold. So if you get the bronze, then you're like, well, at least I made the medal, you know, the stand. I did it. I got a medal. Silver's like, dang, it's so close and yet so far. And now my sister disagreed with me. She thinks that they're happy to get the silver as well. But I really I've I do have that where I the competition is that I have to do it, I have to do it on my own, I have to do it my way, and I have to be first. And that is not a healthy mindset.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

That's gonna keep you burnt out and really unhappy. Uh but I feel the same way, and it's ridiculous. I have been a finalist for awards many times where I didn't win. And I've won other awards, right? And if if I really needed to, I could go have a trophy made for myself or whatever. But I always had to tell myself, like when I didn't win, well, it's an honor just to be nominated. Oh. But internally I'm thinking, no, it's not. I want to win.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

I have a feeling this episode is really a lesson for us as much as it is for the listeners. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

I think we're and because it it truly is an honor just to be nominated, just to be thought of, to be in that echelon with amazing individuals. And we can't, we can't all win all the time. But I why not?

SPEAKER_01 12:15

I wish.

SPEAKER_02 12:16

I really do. But but it's it's unrealistic. And so when we're setting our a bar for ourselves that high, we are ultimately setting ourselves up for failure if we can't delegate and let some things go and actually take the help. Everybody needs help. If if someone that I'm friends with comes to me and they need help with something, I'm gonna help them and I'm not gonna think anything less of them. I'm gonna be happy to help them. I want to do it. If it's someone that even maybe isn't a friend, but like I know them, like or acquaintances or something, or even a stranger on LinkedIn. If someone asks me for help, nine times out of ten, I'm going to give you help anyway. And I I love doing it. So why can't I do that for myself and ask for help?

SPEAKER_00 13:02

It actually makes you feel valued. Um, I have a a great friend who is um is going to, she's really launching her speaking business. She's she's been doing some of it, but she's really made the decision that this is going to be her focus and she's diving in and and she called me and she asked me for my advice and asked me for help. And I felt really good about it. I wanted to help her. I want to give her all of the advice and and things, anything that I can do, experience that I've, you know, the things I've learned along the way. And it actually is good for my soul. It's good for it, makes me feel valued. And when you think about it from that perspective, asking for help is not such a crazy thing. So I think there's something to be said for if we're happy to help others and we feel good when we do, doesn't it make sense that when we allow others to contribute, then they get to feel good too? And I think that's powerful.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

I think a shared victory is more meaningful than one that is on your own. Yeah. I I really think the happiest moments of what I've achieved something have always been when I'm creating something, doing something with other people. And I think about so Julie has a book out. Julie tell the people that's available on Amazon.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Your impact is your superpower. No spandex superquired.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

It's a very good book. And if I'm thinking about that what you're saying in that book, how the impact is that's really what it's all about. Right. So if I'm kind of like if I'm keeping things to myself, not asking for help, not only am I making myself tired and miserable and such a joy to be around. It's just a joy, a delight. I am a ray of sunshine. But I'm I'm making myself miserable and I'm taking away opportunities from other people because I'm refusing to make a positive impact on them.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

I am kind of telling of myself and I'm a little, I'm a little embarrassed. Uh, but I will tell you with my husband, in for us, and we just did this this last weekend, so we and we do this on the regular, whenever we do holidays, birthdays, Christmas thanks, everything, we generally do them at at our house because I love hosting. I love creating the fabulous tablescapes, I love using China, I love creating a an amazing, you know, show stopping menu. I love all the things. I have all the things and I love it. So for me, just even having a family birthday, I'm spending, you know, two or three days cooking and prepping and decorating and getting everything ready. And what I've kind of discovered is that my husband, he sees me running around doing stuff and he always offers to help. What can I help you with? What can I do? And more often than not, I'm like, I got it, I got it, you don't have to do anything, I got it. But after the event, when I say, Whew, it was a success, we did it. If if I don't let him help, if I don't allow him to be part of it, he'll say, Well, you did it. But when I just, yes, you can help actually here, would you do this? Hey, could you take care of this? Even just simple things, I feel like he feels totally different about the whole evening. And it's it's just allowing a little bit of control to, you know, giving up a little bit of that. And I think sometimes I hold a little too tightly. And I need to remember it's not just about me. I want him to want to do it. I want him to be a part of it. And so I have to watch um uh challenging making myself the the only person that can do anything because I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

Well, and you don't you don't have to be amazing at all things at all times. That's unrealistic. I love that my husband, I mean, he's amazing and he's always trying to find new ways to do things for me and take care of me and really think about things that I might need or want before I need or want them. And I adore him for that, and I I try to do the same for him. So for me, a part of this is also past experience where I went through a lot and only had myself to rely on. And so it was, I mean, really traumatic at times, but the only thing that I could do was all of it. And I didn't have anyone to get help from. I didn't have anyone offering any help. So, and that that's given me a lot of confidence because I'm like, you know, putting things into perspective, I've done really well with some really hard things to the point where I know I'm capable of doing anything that I set my mind to. But again, that's putting me in a really bad position because I am tired and I I don't want to be all things to all people or try to be any more. It's impossible. That's right. You cannot make everybody happy.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

Yeah, yeah. You can't make everybody happy. You're not tacos. Right. Only tacos. And look, if you've got a husband, put him to work. That's what they're for. My husband is so good at it. I I always tell people, I've not vacuumed a floor or washed a dish since I have been with my husband. I I just never have to do it. And I am so grateful for that. So and and it's yeah, I could, I could do it, but he just and I think he I think it's good for him too. I think he feels he's contributing. Yeah. And I think that's a good thing. So there's something to be said for that.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

I know with my husband, if he's trying to do something for me and I'm like, you know, no, I don't need you to do that, whatever, he will get disappointed because he likes to do stuff for me.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Right. I think there's a lot of value in that. So we're so when we think about this, so the idea of kind of the artworking topic or title, kind of the idea of the hidden ego in I don't need help. And we've talked about it from a relationship perspective and and what is a true partnership. And you're not supposed to do everything. You don't you don't want to turn into a martyr. And eventually they want to feel valued. So when we allow others to do things, they get to feel valued as well. And I think that's a big part of it. We've talked about some of the reasons why we might fall into that trap, whether it's that we're we have a fear of being a burden, the pride of we want to do it our way, how competitive we are, we think we'll do it better than anyone else. I think that we do get kind of stuck in that, but perfectionism is not. I think there's different kinds of perfectionism. And I think we have to be careful. A lot of people talk about, I hear of that quite a bit, that people think they're a perfectionist. And I always call it perfectionist light. I think that there's hardcore, that you could be clinically diagnosed as a perfectionist, but y'all, that is a whole other level. When I kind of tease about perfectionist light, I think it's people that just really truly want everything to be exceptional. And I think that that actually is a much more reasonable objective. I think being exceptional is different than being perfect. And I think that we have to allow, um, allow for that. I think we have to allow ourselves to do that, and I think we have to allow that for others.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

And the other side of that too. Have you encountered a know-it-all? Someone that like really thinks they're better than you and they know everything. We hate those people. Yeah. No one wants to deal with people like that. Yeah. And so it's setting a good goal, setting a high bar for excellence, that's one thing. But if you start being a jerk about it, we don't like that. Yeah, because you you can very easily slippery slope, take it too far. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

I think you have to show and I guess this we could put this under a takeaway, but I think that we have to be better about being patient with ourselves so that we can be patient with others. And I think it's about showing grace. I think when we allow ourselves to not get stuck in the idea of perfection, but really work toward excellence, then grace is required. And I think we have to give ourselves grace just like we have to give others grace.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

Absolutely. I when I think about this topic generally, I have okay. So I did not get to go to college after high school. I have taken some college courses here and there. I still have not I don't have a degree. But I've done pretty well for myself. And I think that there's this, I have this need to prove that even though I didn't get to go to college and get a degree, I'm still just as good, if not better. And there was, I worked somewhere previously before I had my company. And there was a a woman there that she does have a college degree. Um, I had more experience, but she had her degree, right? And so for whatever reason, she tried to put herself in like weird competition with me. So every time she had a chance to, she would bring up that she had gone to college and I had not. And it was so strange. And I didn't enjoy it, but I was like, oh. Now we're this is a competition. I'm gonna win the competition. And I sure did. I did way better with my work performance. But like that's that's not the healthy way to think about it. The healthier way to think about it would be um I don't need to prove anything to her. I want to do a good job for myself, for you know, to just generally do good at work. That's all that that I need to do. I don't need to take it to this other level. Because that's not, it made it not wonderful to have to work with her. I dreaded it.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Yeah, that's that's no fun. I think it goes back to if we're just focused on striving for excellence and and inclusion, including those around us as a partnership, if we recognize that we're we're partners in this, you know, and their success impacts our success, and our success impacts their success. And there's there's something to be said for our ability to work together. I I tease if anybody's ever seen the movie My Cousin Vinny, one of the best movies of all time, if you haven't watched it, you definitely need to. Um most people know the most famous scene of her in the courtroom, but at the very end of the movie, she helps him by getting the letter that says he can practice. That's not relevant to the story. But at the end, he's like, but I wanted to win the case all by myself. I wanted to win it on my own. And she said, Oh, you're right. I'm so sorry, right? You win case after case, win case after case with somebody else's help. And then afterward, you have to say thank you. Oh, what a nightmare. And I think there's so much truth to that. Like all you have to do is say thank you. This is does not mean you're indebted to them for life. It's thank you. I appreciate your help. I I get a little bit of the burden taken off of me. You get to feel valued, we're contributing to each other's success. Thank you. And if we could just get better at that, I think we'd be better off.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

People aren't meant to be solitary creatures. We're social. And it really does take a village. There's no one that can be successful and happy in their life. That's the key that doesn't ever involve help from someone else.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

That is huge, right there. That's that's the moment. If y'all are, you know, you know, rewind that piece, take a note of that, because it's absolutely true. Doing it all and being happy at the same time, right? That that's a big difference.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

And what are you doing it for if you're it doesn't make you happy or you don't want to be happy? Like the whole point. Right. We all want to be happy.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

And I think that our, you know, breakthrough with Mallory and Julie, our kind of our idea is that we want to help you break through. We want to, we want to help you find the success that is your success. We want, we want that for you because we believe in you. We want you to believe in you. So if we take this idea, we've we've talked about the why, where that might stem from, why it's not an effective technique. But I think even bigger picture, when you put it in the context of true success, I think it actually challenges us to think about where we are investing our time, our energy, and our resources. Are we making good choices? And if we think we have to do every little thing, then am I making those best decisions? And eventually that impacts our success. You cannot be great at everything. You cannot do, contrary to what people like to say, you cannot do it all, right? You can do everything at different times. And decision fatigue is real. It is. It is. So being able to make better decisions about where we want to invest our time. And I think that's a business thing. I think when we're you think of it from a work perspective, what where we're investing our time at work, what kind of tasks, projects, and assignments, I think it's true in our personal lives as well, right? You if you get so focused on the, you know, you have to clean your house, you have to clean it your way, you have to make it perfect this way, at what cost? At what cost? And the cost is that that time you could be spending with your kids. So, you know, my theory is hire a housekeeper. But truly, it's about making better choices. So if that that load of laundry doesn't get done today, really truly, but I got to spend time with my nieces, I got to pick Atlie up from theater camp and we got to, you know, go have ice cream. That to me is the the value. And I think finding what are the things that we truly want to invest our time and our resources in. And I think it matters.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

One thing that my husband and I do is so, for example, he likes his laundry like folded a particular way that was not ever how I folded it, right? And he likes um like a couple other things like the certain fabric softener, and he's particular about his laundry, right? So I did it for years, and then I would get so tired because he would like, he'd say, Well, that I would if you're gonna do it, like do this part of it. And I get that. That's the like, oh, you can't do it right, so I'm gonna do it myself. Now in that moment, I was like, you can do it yourself. So he does his own. But you know, it's okay to let go of that. It's okay if it's if it's something you really care about, it's okay to do stuff on your own, but you have to know when to ask other people for help and know where is that most valuable versus not.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

That's right. What what in the big scheme of things, what does it matter? Yeah. What what does it matter? And I think that's where we have to. Is this something that's gonna be a big deal in five days, five weeks, five months, or five years? And when we can start making different choices. Uh, I do think it's about shedding uh what doesn't serve you. And I think that again is personally and professionally. I recently, and I've heard this story before, but I recently heard it and reminded me of what a great example this is. Uh Steve Jobs, and this is kind of a famous story, apparently. Um, Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, go figure. And then they started to struggle. They were not successful, so they brought Steve Jobs back. And the story is that the like his first meeting, he's brand new, he's back, and they go into the meeting, and Steve Jobs draws on the board four quadrants, like four squares, four quadrants. And basically he labels one of them professional, one of them personal, one of them mobile, and one of them desktop. And he said, This is all we're doing. All the other stuff, we're not doing any of that other stuff anymore. We are for professionals, professional use, we're making desktop and mobile. For personal use, we're making desktop and we're making mobile. And when they got absolutely crystal clear on what they were doing, then they could stop doing the other stuff. And I think there's a lot of value in saying, okay, well, yeah, that would be good. It would be great. That's a great idea, but you cannot do everything. And the best way to get good at things, I think, is to shed the things that are unnecessary.

SPEAKER_02 29:10

Yeah. You're gonna have to let go of some stuff. And you have to get okay with letting go. If if it matters that much to you, maybe that's something to consider at least having a hand in. But if it's not, if it doesn't have to be done by you, you don't really care that much about it. Why are you taking a lot of time at yourself? And be kind to yourself like you would to other people.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

You could help them, but so let them help you out. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

Yeah. What are some signs that you might be taking a little too much pride in doing it all? And some tips on what you can do about it.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

Well, I think the first sign is that you're exhausted. I think if you're up at 2 a.m. and you're still doing stuff, you're probably or you're laying in bed wide awake because you're going over your to-do list in your head. Those are indicators that we're probably taking on too much and we need to clarify what we what our priorities really are, and looking for ways that we can, again, shed the things that are not serving you. Things can all be good things and still not things we need to take on. And I think we have to make better decisions about that, right?

SPEAKER_02 30:19

Can a hundred percent relate. I also, so one thing that I would say is a good sign that is my own problem is how how much coffee are you drinking to get through your day? I am primarily made of coffee because I have this condition where my body does not produce its own. So I hate that for you. I know it's it's a true affliction. And how have you how do you go on? I have usually about honestly, like four, sometimes more coffee drinks with me at any particular time.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

I can attest to this. It is true. She will have three or four, she'll bring them with her.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

But that's true. That is a that the fact that I have to take medication to sleep at night is a good indication that maybe I'm doing a little too much and I need some more help.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

I also think that you can pay attention to the people around you. When we start to pay attention to how they are responding to you, how they are how how how they're feeling about it. And I think there's some truth in that and pain and being sensitive to your surroundings, being aware, self- some self-awareness. So when I can look at my husband and I can see that he's he's missing me, right? I'm he can I can see that he's maybe feeling, and I, you know, he I don't want to say neglected, but he's feeling like he'd he's he'd likes a little more time. I I think that we have to be in tune with that. I think it would be the same thing with your kids. I feel that way even with my nieces, that I feel like I need to pay attention to, you know, that are they if they forget who I am, then it's time I spend more time with them.

SPEAKER_02 32:01

Yeah, definitely.

unknown 32:02

You know.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

So I think starting to recognize what your true values are and then finding the balance in that. And that's ultimately what when we say that the hidden ego in not asking for help, like I can do it all, I don't need any help. Um I think logically and analytically, my guess is pretty much everybody that's probably listening to this is like, yeah, that's crazy, you can't do that. So are you doing it in action, right? We can logically and analytically know it's not a good, a good thing to do, but the loving kick in the mindset is, but do you do it?

SPEAKER_02 32:36

I one tip that I would say is actually start asking for help. You can start on smaller things, maybe things aren't aren't as consequential, and get used to it and to that feeling and to seeing how people really do step up for you. That's right. And then you can after that have a more confidence in asking for bigger things.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

That's right. I think that professionally and personally, we looking at it both sides, i in our work, um, you know, we talked about the importance really of delegation and it how people feel valued. And that's how people learn and grow. And if we never give them an opportunity to do things, to learn and to grow, then it's we're doing them a disservice. We're not being a good colleague, we're not being a good leader. Everybody needs to have an opportunity to take on new things and to learn and to do. And just like we understand perfectionism isn't helpful for us, we have to be open to that with them as well. So I think that professionally it's absolutely critical that we're making sure that we're giving the people around us an opportunity. And it's not really about I don't need any help. It's about how are you helping others? Because delegating, allowing other people to step up, allowing other people to contribute is helping them. So maybe you don't need the help, but you know what? You can help them. And I think that makes a difference.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

I like it.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Well, I think it's that time for Fanmail Five.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

We really do have way too much.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

I love it. I love that segment and the intro. It's so fun.

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Okay. And everybody knows Fan Mail 5. If you have, if you're new to Breakthrough, if you're new to the crew, uh Fanmail 5 started because we were getting questions from our listeners, and we thought, what a great way to kind of introduce that. So we kind of take the last five minutes of our episodes and we try to specifically address a question that has been posed. So if you have a question, if you have a burning thought, something you'd like to get, um, get us to talk about, something you'd like us to bring up, this gives us ideas for topics as well. So please, please, please reach out to us, talk to us. You can go to our website. You can, there's a send us mail uh on wherever you get your podcast, you can do it directly there. You can email each of us directly. Uh, but we really do want to hear from you.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Yes, very much so. And so this is a key for the rest too.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

I like this one.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Okay. Kim from Florida asks, I'm the one checking on everyone else, making the plans, solving the problems, and keeping everything together. Lately, I've started wondering why no one ever does that for me. Do I have selfish friends or am I creating this?

SPEAKER_00 35:25

Oh, Kim. I know a lot of Kim's in Florida, so I don't know if I know you personally or not, but uh you know when I hear that, I'll tell you what what strikes me is I think that uh we fall into, and and it sounds like Kim was specifically referring to a friend group, but I think there's friend groups, work groups, family groups. And as groups, we fall into patterns, we fall into roles of what we do. And if we get to a place where we don't like that, then it's on us to speak up and say something. You can't just be mad about it and assume what your friends are thinking. Maybe they're thinking, well, gosh, she does such a good job, she just takes control of it. That's what she does. I I and I use the example. I kind of feel like I'm my poor husband, if he listens to this episode. Um in our in our marriage, I am in charge of vacations. I travel for work, I'm the one with the points, I'm the one with the miles, I'm I'm the one with the experience doing the traveling. So I plan every cruise, every trip, every I book every hotel, I book every flight, I do all of that. And I'm and I'm fine with that. But if I got to a point where I was like, why don't you ever do it? Then I can't just say that to myself. I would need to say it to him.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

I would need to have a conversation with him. Now I I'm not gonna have that conversation with him because I like doing it. But but if I'm not happy with it, and Kim, if you're not happy with that, if you've gotten to where you feel like you shouldn't be doing that for whatever reason, then you have to have the conversation with people and say, hey, I booked the last one. Who's gonna book the next one?

SPEAKER_02 37:08

Yeah, clarify your expectations and communicate. And look, I see this happen sometimes with so you've heard of like weaponized incompetence where I don't want to have to do the thing, so I'm gonna pretend that I'm really bad at the thing so that you do it. I don't ever hear anyone talking about this, but you could have weaponized competence too. And who knows, maybe your friends are like, she's so particular, I'm not gonna step in the way here. So I'm not saying that that's what you're doing, but I want you to be aware of if it's getting to that level, that's right, it might need to change.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

I hope that helps because I do feel like that's actually uh probably a lot of our listeners can relate to where Kim's coming from, and that sometimes, again, we fall into those patterns, those roles, and we feel like there's we can't do anything about it. And um, ultimately it goes back to communication. So, hey, if you want some help on communication, go back to one of our past episodes where we spend the whole episode talking about communication techniques and how to have those conversations more effectively. Because that's ultimately, if we're not happy where we are, it is upon it's on us. It's it's our responsibility to speak up and have a conversation about it. Your friends are not mind readers, they don't know. Your your family are not mind readers, they don't know unless you say something. Your coworkers at work don't, they're not mind readers. If you're not saying something, then they don't know any different. That includes the friend that says they're psychic.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

Shots fired. Across the bow.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

Yeah. That's even if they say they're psychic. I, you know, if you believe in that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

I'm full woo-woo.

SPEAKER_00 38:47

So you are way more woo-woo than me, that is for sure.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

I believe in that. But even psychics can't read your mind, to my knowledge. I wouldn't know. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

You could call the hotline, the psychic hotline, and see what they say. I heard an ad for that that they only hire like 98%, or they don't hire 98% of the people that apply. So apparently they're only hiring the best psychics.

SPEAKER_02 39:09

You know, I might be in the wrong line of work too, because those you could probably make a lot of money. What is it, like three dollars a minute or something? It's inflation. Maybe it's five. Miss Cleo.

SPEAKER_00 39:21

See, that's now I'm dating myself. I remember those. Yeah. Oh my stars. We've taken a wrong turn, folks.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

We've taken a wrong turn. But thank you for joining us. We appreciate it. And please, before you go off to finish your day, like, share, subscribe, tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell everybody about Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Please do spread the word. We would love it and would love to hear from you. So make sure you look for the ways that you can reach out and stay connected and engaged because we appreciate it. I will see you next time. Thanks, everyone. Bye, Breakthrough.

SPEAKER_02 39:53

This episode is brought to you by Julie Birch Speaks. If you want another boring keynote, keep scrolling. But if you want an experience, meet Julie. Julie isn't just a speaker, she's the moment your audience didn't know they needed. With down home charm, a sharp sense of humor, and zero tolerance for fluff, she delivers real-world techniques that make people laugh, think, and actually do something different when they leave. Through relatable stories, bold truth telling, and solid business strategies, wrapped in brilliant comedic humor, Julie connects in a way that feels like a conversation, not a lecture. Your audience won't be just entertained. They'll be equipped, energized, and ready to level up. Solid business strategies, brilliant comedic humor. Find Julie online at JulieBirch.com or give her a call at 214-679-2717.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

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