Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie
Are you ready for some straight talk? In this podcast we give real world, authentic, kick you in the pants, get it together, stop whining and make a move, growth strategies to help you BREAKTHROUGH to your best self! Hosted by Mallory Herrin and Julie Burch, personal development experts with the street cred to help you kick it up a notch. We have been through the drama and come through on the other side and we are here to help YOU do the same. We tackle the tough topics and address some of the common mental road blocks that hold us back. Dealing with personal and career growth obstacles to becoming the best version of yourself. This is about accountability and recognizing that your life is YOUR choice! Take back control and make the choices that move you from where you are to where you want to be! You will hear tangible solutions and steps to implement immediately for REAL results! Let Mallory and Julie guide you to a new level of success!
www.breakthroughwmj.com
julie@julieburch.com
Mallory@HerrinHR.com
Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie
Are You Actually Burned Out—or Do You Just Hate Your Life? How to Tell the Difference
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Are You Actually Burned Out—or Do You Just Hate Your Life?
Everybody is burned out. Burned out at work. Burned out at home. Burned out by the kids, the calendar, social media, relationships, traffic, responsibilities—and apparently burned out from being burned out.
But here’s the question nobody seems to be asking:
Are you actually burned out…or are you just really unhappy with something in your life?
Because those are NOT the same problem. And if we keep calling every flavor of exhaustion, frustration, resentment, boredom, overwhelm, and misery “burnout,” we may be trying to fix the wrong damn thing.
In this episode of Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie, we’re digging beneath the burnout buzzword to figure out what’s really going on.
Maybe you’re dealing with genuine workplace burnout. Maybe you’re overwhelmed by a ridiculously busy season. Maybe you’re bored, lonely, resentful, stressed, unappreciated, or completely out of alignment with what you actually value.
Or maybe something in your life just…sucks right now.
And no amount of bubble baths, massages, meditation, or “self-care” is going to fix a problem you refuse to identify.
We’re talking about how to recognize the difference between burnout, chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, unhappiness, boredom, resentment, and misalignment—and why naming what you’re actually feeling matters.
You’ll hear us unpack why rest doesn’t always fix exhaustion, how your values can reveal where your life has gotten out of alignment, why some stress deserves your attention and some absolutely does not, and how reframing everyday stress can help you take back control.
We’re also introducing the highly scientific, extremely sophisticated “What Actually Sucks?” Audit. 😂
Instead of throwing your hands up and declaring, “EVERYTHING SUCKS,” we’re challenging you to get specific.
What are you actually tired of?
Your workload? Your boss? Your commute? Your schedule? Your relationship? Your finances? Your responsibilities? Feeling lonely? Feeling stuck? Feeling like you’re living a life that looks fantastic on paper but doesn’t actually feel like yours?
Because here’s the truth:
You cannot fix “everything sucks.” That’s not a diagnosis. That’s a tantrum.
Once you identify where the misery actually lives, what you’re really feeling, and what is within your control, you can finally answer the most important question:
What happens next?
Because around here, we don't just sit around admiring our problems.
Potential is cute. Action is hot.
If you’ve been searching for answers about burnout symptoms, chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed, feeling unhappy with your life, work burnout, stress management, finding your purpose, getting unstuck, or how to make changes when something just feels off—this episode is for you.
Grab your coffee, Chardonnay, emotional-support beverage of choice, and maybe a notebook.
It’s time to figure out whether you’re actually burned out…
or whether something in your life just needs to freaking change.
Stay connected to Mallory and Julie!
breakthroughwmj.com
mallory@HerrinHR.com
julie@julieburch.com
@Breakthroughwmj
Everybody's burned out. We're burned out at work, we're burned out at home, we're burned out with our kids, we're burned out from dating, we're burned out from social media, we're burned out from being burned out. That's a problem. But here's my question: Are you actually burned out, or do you just hate your life right now? Well, damn. Because those are two completely different problems. And if we're we keep treating every form of unhappiness, every every emotion that we have, if we keep treating it like burnout, we're never actually going to fix what's making us miserable. Welcome to Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie, everyone. My name is Julie Birch. I'm a speaker, author, podcaster, and I am fighting my war on self-abdication. That means it's all about you taking back your power.
SPEAKER_01Hi, I'm Mallory Heron, wife, mom, CEO, speaker, author, podcaster, and I am on the same journey. I've joined Julie's war. Um at this point, I'm a foot soldier, just choosing ahead. Oh, I got promoted. No. But you know, I think this is a topic that I've personally felt in my life. I know lots of people have. Absolutely. Um but it's true. Burnout, that word in itself, we kind of throw it around a whole lot and we're not taking stock of our life overall. And what's going wrong to make us feel that way in all these different aspects?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. I do think we've made uh burnout kind of a catch-all word for everything that we're feeling. And and burnout is real. There's no question that burnout is real. You certainly can have burnout. And we've seen and heard stories, many stories over the years of people that have really suffered from burnout. But I think what's happened is it's become such an easy word that we just kind of attribute everything to it. When I think oftentimes there's a lot more going on than that. Actually, I find this interesting. So I thought I'd share with our listeners. Uh, the World Health Organization actually uh defines what burnout is. And I thought this was interesting. The World Health Organization says technically, and after I read this all because I did not memorize it, technically, burnout is an occupational phenomenon caused by chronic workplace stress that hasn't been successfully managed. It has three dimensions: exhaustion, growing cynicism. I might be able to relate to that, or mental distance from work and reduced professional effectiveness. So the World Health Organization specifically says the term refers to the occupational context rather than every difficult experience in life. And I think that's huge because I think that really shifts uh our mindset and helps us to understand what's truly burnout and what else could potentially be going on.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I love me, an official factoid. Um but I think I think that's right. I think burnout really is that term meant to be for your work life, your professional life. That doesn't mean there's not similarities in what you're feeling between if you're burnout at work versus something else major in your life that you're like, oh my god, I hate this. Um but what you can't solve a problem until you really know and understand what the problem is. So I think defining it and figuring out w what it actually is, that's like step number one.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. I think we see a lot of things about burnout, and it tends to automatically go to the idea of self-care and and and let's be very clear this is not a medical show. We are not giving medical advice, we are not medical professionals. I've seen some episodes of Gray's Anatomy. I have watched a couple myself. Does that count? I watch a lot of Chicago Fire, so I do feel like I have a little bit of a paramedic uh instinct, but it it is not a medical show. But it is understanding, not not focusing so much on the self-care of burnout, but rather taking it a step back. And what I hope that Mallory and I can do for all of our listeners is just give you a way to maybe dig a little deeper so that you're diagnosing it differently and we're actually exploring our feelings differently. We're looking at what is really happening here. Is this really like clinically diagnosable as burnout, or are we having other feelings? And then when we diagnose it correctly, then we can be more proactive in how we prevent it. And I think that makes a big difference.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Have you ever been in your life at some point just straight up not having a good time and thought about yeah, actually this one particular thing really sucks. Yeah. And I'm really miserable. It's happened to me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I absolutely probably to everybody, right? I found that in a previous marriage that obviously ended. Uh I was I was really unhappy. And it took me a while to see it because I did think, you know, I was working where I had like a two-hour commute each way. I was really focused on uh my career and advancing. And it it took sadly a little too long for me to recognize the problem wasn't my job or how much time I'm spending commuting. It's not all of the things that I have on my shoulders from being a mom and being a wife. It was I'm in an unhappy marriage. I have a glorified roommate that doesn't pick up after himself, doesn't contribute financially, doesn't contribute even in like a let's go out and have a date and let's have fun. I mean, he none of it. And I tried and I tried and tried for like over a year of like, well, maybe if we do this. And it's when you're working with someone that is giving zero to it, it doesn't work. You can't be the only one putting in all of the effort. And I found myself, you know, I'd I'd come back from that really long commute and I just want to go inside and get up my bed, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I would, I would literally sit in my car for an hour, sometimes more, before just to get up the physical requirements to get myself inside the house. And then I'd go to bed not too long after eating and just do it all again. And it it took me too long to realize I was a miserable in that marriage, and that was the thing I needed to change. I was hating my life, I wasn't burnout.
SPEAKER_00Right. That I mean, that's to talk about a million red flags going on there. And I think that your experience is probably similar, and it doesn't have to be the marriage, it can be the same feeling of misalignment. I mean, really that I think there's a lot to be said for that. We take other issues that we have and we label them burnout, thinking that that must be what it is. Whether it's exhaustion, uh, it's overload, you know, you get just simply too much to do. I think sometimes it's resentment. And I would imagine that that is probably a little bit of what you are feeling is resentment. Um, you've said yes to things for too long, things you don't want to do, and now you're frustrated with it. And I think that can happen. I think um avoidance. I think sometimes we just avoid.
SPEAKER_01Well, and I've heard that once resentment turns into contempt, a marriage is not salvageable. I don't know how true that is. I heard it somewhere.
SPEAKER_00Right? I can't remember. Sounds sounds logical.
SPEAKER_01Right? Maybe my therapist told me. I can't remember.
SPEAKER_00I don't I I'm I'm very blessed in that area, I think. But I do think that that's what happens is that we we get we get exhausted, emotionally exhausted. And that's really so when we are emotionally exhausted, I think sometimes our our natural inclination, like our what we think we're supposed to do there, is we're supposed to rest. We're supposed to do some self-care, go get a massage, take a day, a personal day. But in reality, even after the massage, and then you have to go back to work the next day, you're still exhausted. So even if you get eight hours of sleep and you still feel exhausted, I think that there's those red flags we have to think about and say, okay, maybe I'm misdiagnosing. Is it really burnout, or am I having something else that I need to address or tackle? Maybe you don't hate your life, maybe you just hate Tuesday. You know, can we can we dig a little deeper and see if we can figure out kind of where those feelings are coming from?
SPEAKER_01To the point about exhaustion, when I was in that situation where my marriage was not working and it wasn't going to I I think it was a sign of clinical major depression because even after I got inside, I took care of the kids, ate dinner, I immediately went to bed and I told myself, oh, it's because of I'm working so much. But but no, I was trying to escape my own life by sleeping through it. And I'm a big fan of sleep and naps, okay? I I'm not saying that those are bad things, but yeah, it doesn't, you're like it's a different kind of exhaustion and it's not the kind that sleep will fix.
SPEAKER_00It's not just physical exhaustion, it's mental and emotional exhaustion. And so we do need to, I think, be willing to take a step back and say, am I really burned out? And if we use the World Health Organization kind of definition of that, is the have am I sustaining stress for too long in the workplace? Then if that's not necessarily the case, can we is it is it something that it's situational? It's work situational, it's personal situational, or and what are those other feelings that we're having that I think we can dig a little deeper in that could be helpful?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think one thing to note, um, because I think you'll recognize it, right? You're gonna be unhappy. It's just if outside of work burnout, if you're unhappy, that is a huge indicator that something's not working. Right. Something's gotta change. And one of the things that I have asked myself over the years when I found myself unhappy to such a degree, is what does make me happy? Who who am I actually? What are the things that I really like myself? Because I can tell you after getting out of a relationship, I've been like, Do I do I really even like country music? Or was I just that was just kind of something that I took on from someone else and I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I do love country music.
SPEAKER_01I did assess that I do like country music. So there is that. But asking myself things like, well, what what do I enjoy? What would I enjoy? Right. Why am I not doing the things that I enjoy?
SPEAKER_00That bring you enjoyment, yeah. Right. That bring you satisfaction. And it doesn't even have to be the fun things. I think sometimes uh just understanding the idea I think of misalignment, even is in your job. Is it that you're burned out sustained stress, or is it just that it's you're misaligned? What you're doing for work is not in alignment with your goals, your objectives, your, you know, how you how you view yourself in your life. And if your work has become something that's misaligned with your mindset, then that's definitely a red flag. And that's something that can we can see that, we can feel that or experience it, and it can feel very much like burnout. We're just burned out. I've been doing this for a long time, I'm just burned out. It's just constant. I also think that addressing, is it when I said situational, I think there's something to that, meaning, is it sustained? If we're going to really listen to the World Health Organization, which you know, sometimes that's a good idea, uh sustained, meaning it has to be over an extended period of time, or is this situational? Maybe you've got this big project that you're working on that's creating an added stress. Maybe there's something going on in situationally in your personal life. Maybe it's that day that everything hits at once. We talked about the rent and the works in our last episode. And if you haven't listened to that, definitely, or maybe two episodes ago, you need to check that one out. Because we do talk about that. It is it something that because it sometimes feels like when it rains, it pours, right? So everything happens on the same day. The work, the extra work project hits, the boss is in a bad mood and yells or snaps, the you know, the traffic is particularly bad, Starbucks doesn't have your drink anymore because that was a summer drink. Maybe that's just me. There, it can be anything, right? And that you have a tire blowout, now you need an oil change, the kids get in trouble at school, you got to pick them up early, pick them up late. You know, you had told your, you know, your spouse or your partner, your kid, or whatever to fall the meat out in the from the freezer so that you could cook dinner that night, and then that wasn't done, and it's just it becomes the pile on, and we just you know, collapse, and in our mind we say, I'm just burnt out. But are you really burnt out or are you just having to deal with a lot situationally today? And when we can be more rational in how we look at it, I think that makes a difference.
SPEAKER_01I have found throughout different times of my life and even recently, where I feel like, oh, I'm so I'm not happy. And I'm trying to assess what I can change, what is it that's going on that I'm is causing this unhappiness? And then I can open my calendar and outlook, and I'm like, oh, the next three weeks are hell. Um, lots and lots of meetings, lots of deadlines. And then I stop and I kind of reframe it, and I'm like, no, no, no. This is what I wanted. I'm doing the things that I enjoy. It's good to have the work to be busy. And then that like little reframe gets me excited about it, and then it's not so bad.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01But you do have to know yourself to know and recognize is it a matter of this is a busy season? Is this a matter of I have I'm not aligned at all in certain areas of my life? And that's I mean, we've talked about values before.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01You it's so important to know what your values are because that's how you're gonna like diagnose if you have a misalignment.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Are the things that you're doing bringing you closer to acting within what you say you value or further away?
SPEAKER_00That's right. That's a really good reminder for people is that when you feel when when when you feel burnout and you dig deeper, you're looking, is it really burnout or am I feeling or experiencing something else? And when you look at could it be misalignment, that's really a great way to assess that is to say, is this within my values? What what are my key values? What are my core values that I have? And if you don't have our values worksheet, go back and listen to the episode. But we also have you can go to our website and you can actually download the values worksheet that you can look at and kind of give you an idea of where your values are, and that can certainly help guide you. If you're misaligned with your values, then oftentimes that creates emotional and mental stress, which then can be perceived or labeled as burnout.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I will say that when it comes to any kind of burnout, any kind of stress, if it if it's making you miserable and you let it stay too long, you become a miserable person. Oh, yes. And it's you know what it's like when there's someone that just can't ever be happy, can't ever be satisfied, different from having ambition and like continuing to hit goals and work toward goals. Different than that. It's because they're so negative, they have these negative glasses on. And every single thing that they see from there on out, they view in a negative way. That's right. And it's so hard to pull back from that, and it can be so irritating to deal with someone like that because you're like, but no, but this, this is good, and they're like, no, everything's terrible.
SPEAKER_00Right. And it's hard to change your mindset if you allow allow yourself to go down that rabbit hole. And let's face it, nobody likes you, nobody wants to be around you. We had a whole episode talking about that. We don't, we're not fans. So it is true that if you you have to challenge yourself to reframe and identify it's stop focusing on what you can't do and start focusing on what you can do. That's the idea of action and being proactive. And I think that really is a key. The difference that stress, prolonged stress in the workplace, prolonged, we understand can lead to burnout, but if we again are proactive and we don't wait until we get to that place, we start attacking those things early on. We start to learn to navigate or manage our stress better. That would definitely be one of my key takeaways. And I do a ton of stress management. That's one of my most popular keynotes. And so I do a lot of work with stress management. And I always like to say, I call it not your mama's stress management because my theory is that I'm not going to tell you to do yoga or you know, go meditate or go for a run. I mean, if you want to do those things, that's fine. Um but to me, because those things can be things that help you release those endocrine, that they're real. But I think that having just a different approach to stress, it's not about eliminating stress, it's about taking back control of stress. I mean, do we really ever think we're gonna live in a time where we're 100% stress-free? After a lobotomy.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_00A lot of times people say, when I retire, and I'm like, I promise you, my husband's retired. Retirement does not mean no stress. That's just not how it works. So it is about learning to navigate it. And I always say it's take back control, which kind of goes to my control issues, but but I think we have to start making better choices about what we allow to stress us out. Because if we let every little thing, right? Every, oh, the traffic, the line at the Starbucks is too long. Every little thing gets on our nerves. Well, no wonder why we think we're burned out because we're mad about or stressed about every little thing that's happening. But when we can pause and reevaluate, is this really a stressor that I want to take on? Is this something I want to give my energy, my thoughts, my stress to? And when we ask ourselves that question, I think it can be so refreshing because we look at things and we say, no. No, no, the Starbucks line is does not get my stress. No, the traffic, I knew it was happening. I know it's rush hour. I I saw it coming. I I was not completely unaware that this could happen. I'm not shocked by it.
SPEAKER_01Prepared for it.
SPEAKER_00Like, like why, why are we letting this become such an issue? And so I do think that the ability to choose what you're going, you're gonna have stress. Everybody has stress, but we get to decide what we give our stress to. And I think that helps us to take back control of it.
SPEAKER_01You know, and I'm I'm worst-case scenario girl. So I and I I've been diagnosed with some anxiety disorders. I'm I'm just a little ball of anxiety all the time. But um, even when I'm not taking medication for it, I do think about it is the am I making this more than it needs to be? Is it just like small stuff that doesn't really matter? Let me save that stress for something big. Because like you said, stress is going to happen. And to the topic of this episode, you're gonna have to be able to notice too when is it just stressing you out versus no, I can't continue in this fashion anymore? Because that's a difference, that's a big difference. And uh perspective really helps. Uh in terms of if something really matters, if I mean it stresses stress. If it stresses you out, it matters. I'm not saying that it doesn't, but in the grand scheme of things, is this something that like five minutes from now you're not gonna care about anymore? Right. Then don't waste your time worrying, don't waste your time stressing. That's coming from the world's best worrier. Okay. It's hard. Professional warrior. That's right. TM. So I I it's something I I struggle with, but but it if I don't recognize that that's what that is, I can easily mistake it for something like total misery or like my marriage isn't working. It really wasn't before. I have a good one now. But still, you get my drift.
SPEAKER_00I think it is the reframing. I think we all understand that we're all gonna have ambient stress. That's what I think of it as. It's ambient stress. There's we're all gonna have some stressors. But when we are better about, like you said, the big things and really making different choices. And I love the idea of reframing because just because something happens doesn't mean that it can't poke us a little bit or frustrate us. And so how do we, how can we reframe that? And I think there's something to be said for our ability to do that. Um, things that we can't control, right? What are the things that are in your sphere of influence, things you can do something about, and what are the things you cannot do things about? And looking for ways, even if we can't do anything about it to reframe it. I tease, but this is why I use this a lot, is that when when we say reframe, especially for things like ambient stress, the stuff that you necessarily can't control. So when you're driving, let's say you're driving on the highway, and let's say this jerk speeds past you, right? Like just cuts around you, speeds past you, and then cuts in front of you. Now, you all know what you have to do when that happens, right? You have to think flip them off. Yes, and you get out, and but you power you get in the other lane, you then speed past them and you give them a nice glare because you have to look and see what kind of an idiot would drive like that. And then just to show them how it feels, you then cut in front of them just to make your point. Now, does that reduce stress? Does that make us feel better? Well, kind of. However, if we were to choose to reframe it, and I really do practice this, I do a lot of driving for work and I practice this, and that is that person must really be in a hurry. And maybe they're going to uh the hospital because they just found out that their wife has. Their first child, or they're going to the hospital because you know their their spouse or their partner or their you know whatever oldest child just had a heart attack and they need to get there. And when I reframe that, it doesn't change what their actual purpose was, it doesn't change where they're actually headed, but it reframes it for me. And so when we talk about stress and and and remember the idea in the context of the episode is that we're talking about is it really burnout or is it stressors that we're not navigating effectively? Because just because we have stress and just because you can't control some of the events around us doesn't mean that we're powerless in how we navigate them, right?
SPEAKER_01100%. And I do I do the exact same thing. That is someone with a child on the way to the hospital, they they need to go fast, it's fine. Um I I think for me, what can be stressful can include good things like you know, like let's say you go to buy a house. That is a not fun process, and and for me anyway, when I've done it, it was very, very stressful. But that's good stress.
SPEAKER_00There you go.
SPEAKER_01I also try to take a look at am I just bored? There's stress from filling up my time too much, and then I've got boredom from not filling up my time enough.
SPEAKER_00I don't um I don't generally get bored, mostly because I came from a family, I think a generation, but mostly my mother, that we were not allowed to be bored. If we ever told my mom we were bored, then you got time to lean, you got time to clean. And we were not allowed to be bored. If we said we were bored, she would give us something to do, and it was never pleasant. So I was trained from a very young age that you're not allowed to be bored. Oh but I think there's other kinds of boredom.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, right. My family was the same way. So my brother and I, we were always like, this particular thing right here is very fascinating at the moment. And I'm clearly too busy to mow the lawn.
SPEAKER_00But I do think there's a different kind of boredom. It's not just the boredom where you're staring at the wall saying, I don't have anything to do. I think sometimes boredom is just we're not engaged or interested in what we are doing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00If we're not finding any in any joy or any um interest or challenge in what we're doing, if you've had the same job for so many years, you're not doing anything new or different, you've had no real growth, you're doing the same thing over and over, it's not that you're bored, meaning you you've just staring at the wall, you don't have anything to do. It's the things you're doing become so automatic that you're just bored with it. And I think sometimes, again, that feeling of boredom can translate to I'm I'm burned out, I don't know that you're burned out. I think sometimes it's it's a different feeling. And if we can attack it from a different perspective, I think that makes a difference.
SPEAKER_01I agree. And boredom of that kind, not just like I don't have an activity to do, do a puzzle. Like there's play candy crush.
SPEAKER_00I don't know. Anybody that actually can experience that, it just blows my mind. I honestly I just can't wrap my head around it.
SPEAKER_01Well, these days, especially when you've got like the entire world's information in the palm of your hand and social media, which is terrible for you, but there's there's so many options, right? You you can try this test. If you find that you're feeling you're unhappy with your life, make note of what you're feeling, and if you are feeling bored, and then make a list of what makes you happy, and then schedule to do those things. So for me, sometimes I've been like, uh, I'm unhappy because I'm I'm kind of lonely. That's my own fault. I have friends, I can go see them, so then I will make plans with my friends, which as an adult, a lot of being friends with someone is being like, Oh, we should get coffee sometime. Yeah, we should. And then you don't talk for like three months. Um, you have to actually have the coffee with people. But it's uh even in that, I'm taking an action.
SPEAKER_00There you go. I think that's a great takeaway. I like the idea of a like a gratitude or what are the things that I I like or I enjoy or I'm positive about, and those are things that you then want to focus on. That's a great, that's a great tool, and it's a great way to reframe as well. If you're mad about this or upset about this, but you've got all these other great things, it's like eh, maybe I'm uh maybe I can navigate this.
SPEAKER_01Well, and you have to have some level of stress and frustration, tolerance and patience. Because look, nobody's life is all sunshine and rainbows at all times, every day. That's just unrealistic. Right. So identifying what it is that you're unhappy about, why it's making you unhappy, then taking action, that's what you do. That's the key.
SPEAKER_00I like the idea, and this is kind of uh the questions to ask yourself when you're feeling it, right? When the feeling of burnout hits you, you're feeling you you label it that, oh, I'm so burned out. Um, dig a little deeper. We're gonna identify feelings, but ask yourself, because I think this leads the stress and being proactive to the idea of maybe it's not really quite actual burnout yet. The first question I would ask is where is the misery? What is it specifically? What part of is it your work? Is it your home? Is it relationships? Is it money? Is it health? Is it your schedule? Right? What what is the misery? What's the problem? And then what are you actually feeling? One of the keys to emotional intelligence is being able to name your feeling. So can you dig a little deeper, not blanketly call it, but what's what's really happening there? Are you really exhausted? Are you bored? Are you resentful? Right? Are you lonely, unappreciated? Maybe that's it. Maybe you're just overwhelmed. But when we can, you know, it could be anything, scared, trapped, whatever. When you can identify what you're actually feeling, I think that helps move you to, and this is the third question is okay, you've you've answered where what is, you know, where's the misery? What are you actually feeling? Now the question is, what happens next? And those of you that follow breakthrough, my hope is that you've noticed a trend is that we are very action-oriented, right? Potential is cute, action is hot. So it's all about the action. Be proactive. What can you do? And it doesn't have to be big, giant leaps and bounds, but what actions can you take? And I think Mallory would that was such a good example. Just saying if you feel, if you're feeling lonely, well, phone a friend. That's that's a great thing to do. And you can always phone me. Exactly. And you know what? All of your friends would agree with that. I mean, I really I think that's very true. So it's it's once we can identify it, then we can take action. And that the action part though is critical. You can't just sit in the in the knowing, right? If if you're miserable and you know it, clap your hands. Uh if you're miserable and you know it. You can't just sit there and just, well, I guess I'm just destined to be miserable because then you're a victim. Knock it off. Nobody wants that. So it's about what can I do to shift that? And you know, sometimes uh it's a little bit of compartmentalizing. It's about okay, I understand this is a challenge that I'm struggling with right now. I understand this this issue is an issue that I'm gonna have to navigate. But right now, I'm gonna focus on something else. Right now, I'm gonna focus on this. And just giving your brain and your mental emotional state a little bit of a breather can be so helpful, I think.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and and I completely agree. We're very much about action. Hot girls take action. Um and and so for me, it uh and this might sound silly because it's literally something I do with work-related things, but you can do it in your personal life too. It's where I will make an actual action plan where I will identify what is the goal, when do I want to achieve that goal by realistically? And then what are the specific things that I need to do to get me toward that goal, which sometimes might look like consulting someone that knows what would get me toward that goal. Because maybe I don't know. But then I I attach key dates to it, and then I make a plan and I solve for, I ask myself, what is what am I going to encounter? Is there a challenge here that's gonna prevent me from doing what I need to do? If so, how do I prevent that challenge or how do I overcome that challenge? And then I look at that thing every day. I write down a little bit more about my progress and how it's going every day so that it's it doesn't become this, oh yeah, I wrote that down, I'm gonna get to it later. No, like I'm actively making this a part of my daily life, and that has gotten me really far.
SPEAKER_00I love it. I think it also makes it, it kind of moves you uh from the right brain to the left brain, and that it takes you from the overwhelm, the emotional overload that you might be feeling. The big project is is overwhelming, and so it seems hard to tackle. And it so it moves you from that overwhelm in the side of your brain that's all about the emotions to the logical analytical side, which is let's put this into step by step, right? How what are the action steps I need to take? And then I love the idea of what you said where you like what am I going to encounter? What's the challenge? What's gonna be the wrench that gets thrown in my works? And if it does, what am I gonna do? Right? Well, I'm probably gonna be tired. Well, what are you gonna do if you're tired? Well, I'll do this instead. Five hour energy.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_00Right. Another coffee. Right. That's what I yeah, I don't drink energy drinks, but I do have coffee all the time. Just another coffee for caffeine, we live by caffeine, caffeine, caffeine beans. I I also think, and so this would be my kind of my last big takeaway, um, is I think that you should do what I think of as a what actually sucks audit. What actually sucks audit. And that means instead of saying, oh, I'm just so burned out, you have to be more specific. You have to ask yourself the question, what am I actually tired of? You have to be more specific in that. So, and the answer here cannot be everything, just everything. No, no drama, queen, not allowed. What specifically is it? And start digging a little deeper. Is it your workload? Could it be your boss, the commute, the the marriage, the finances, the the extracurricular activities, the kids, um, the fact that you've, you know, have had you've got so many things on your calendar you can't even see the back of the calendar anymore. What is it specifically? Because you cannot fix everything sucks. That's not a diagnosis. That's a tantrum, people. So what when you dig deeper, it's not everything sucks. What specifically sucks, and then what action can you take?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Because you can have a whole lot of things sucking in your life at once. I've been there. But you're the one that can change it. That's right. Again, when it rains, it pours, right? Yes. So it might be time for fen mail five. Fan mail five, fen mail, five, fan mail, five. Okay, I have to I have it written down over here. Hold on.
SPEAKER_00What do we got?
SPEAKER_01What do we got?
SPEAKER_00All right. This is one of our favorite things to do. We really love hearing from y'all. And there are so many ways that you can reach out and ask us questions. Uh, follow us on social media. We're all over. Uh Mallory Heron, Julie Birch, we're out there. Breakthrough WMJ, breakthrough with Mallory and Julie. You can go to our website, you can do it through there. You can um you can social, you can do it right there on your podcast app where it says you can, you know, send us a question, send us a comment, you can you can send it to us that way. And we really do want to hear from you.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00That's a big part of what we why we do this. And we want you to know. We want to know what you want.
SPEAKER_01And we we love it. And look, we're we'll reply to all of our social media. If you send us a question, there's a chance that we're gonna read it on the show. Um, and I have been putting myself out there on social media just for you. Because I don't like to do it. I'm more of a I'm a lurker. I just like to scroll and like like stuff and maybe comment here and there and just lurk. But for you, I'm doing it.
SPEAKER_00I love it.
SPEAKER_01So go follow me.
SPEAKER_00If you're not already following her, follow her because she does. It's yes, it's awesome.
SPEAKER_01At least tell me I'm showing up and that's a good job. Okay. Needy much? Right. Little bit. Okay. Um, where did it go? All right. This is I have a good life on paper, so I feel ridiculous admitting that I'm unhappy. What do you do when nothing is technically wrong, but you don't feel okay?
SPEAKER_00Well, I hope that whoever sent us that question is um listening to this episode because that's that's of course what the episode was was built around. Um and we've said this before that we really do take your questions and that helped helps us identify where do we need to spend uh some episode time. And so hopefully everything we've talked about helps. Um, but understand if you if your feelings are telling you something different, paper doesn't matter, right? It your life on paper doesn't matter if what you're feeling to me that screams misalignment. So digging deeper, and it goes back to the your, you know, what sucks, what actually sucks audit, is that if you're not feeling happy, ignore the paper, technically, great. You know, you followed the plan that, you know, whatever society set out for you. But if it you're not feeling it, what actually sucks? And you can't say everything, what gets a bit specific, dig deeper. Start to pay attention to the moments in your life when that feeling hits you, when that discontent, that un that that unhappiness, when it hits you, what are you doing? What are you thinking about? Where are you? Who are you with? And do some of that self-reflection that can help you identify what really are you feeling? What's really the problem? Where's the misalignment? And then you can take the action that will help you navigate that.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I also cannot recommend enough. Seeking health care for your mental health is really important. I have been at points in my life where everything should be great on paper, looks amazing. Anyone would want this life, but I was still unhappy. And sometimes that's because I was dealing with depression. And that just because there's a chemical imbalance in your brain doesn't mean that you can't do anything about it. You can go get help, you can get medication if that's right for you, you can go to therapy if that's right for you. But there are still options. Right. And it's it's important to make sure you're addressing that piece too, because if that's an element of it, changes over here that you need to take, those actions aren't still gonna solve the problem until you take care of this piece too.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. And and we're not medical professionals, but uh that's I think that's pretty common knowledge. I don't really feel like we're we're blowing anybody away by saying, hey, these are things that can help you and be willing to. Yeah, there's they're out there. So I I agree completely. Like you got to take care of your mental health.
SPEAKER_01Well, thank you so much for joining us today. It was a pleasure as always, and we hope to see you again soon. Like our uh podcast, subscribe, follow us on social media, do the things.
SPEAKER_00All of them. Share, share, share. I if every single one of our listeners would share it with a friend, you know, and you tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, then imagine what could possibly happen. So please do that. Please share and please stay in touch because we love all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Bye, Breakthrough Crew. Bye. This episode is sponsored by Heron HR, the experts in full service payroll and HR built for growing businesses. Heron HR offers a white glove experience and specifically works with small and mid-sized businesses. Their easy-to-use HRIS system comes with all the bells and whistles you'd expect from a payroll provider, including applicant tracking, time, and labor management, electronic onboarding, performance management, and more. That's not all. They also provide benefits, administration, and brokering, recruiting, training, and HR services from the administrative to the strategic. Heron HR is there to take on as much or as little of your HR function as you want and need. If you're ready for a solution that scales with you, if you need full service payroll or you just want a real HR partner, they've got you covered. Give them a call today at 1-800-607-7787 or find them online at heronhr.com.
SPEAKER_01This episode is brought to you by Julie Birch Speaks. If you want another boring keynote, keep scrolling. But if you want an experience, meet Julie. Julie isn't just a speaker, she's the moment your audience didn't know they needed. With down home charm, a sharp sense of humor, and zero tolerance for fluff, she delivers real-world techniques that make people laugh, think, and actually do something different when they leave. Through relatable stories, bold truth telling, and solid business strategies, wrapped in brilliant comedic humor, Julie connects in a way that feels like a conversation, not a lecture. Your audience won't be just entertained. They'll be equipped, energized, and ready to level up. Solid business strategies, brilliant comedic humor. Find Julie online at JulieBirch.com or give her a call at 214-679-2717.
